This patient was dying when... you need an Aadhaar card to know what happened next

It’s country’s first Aadhaar miracle.

 |  4-minute read |   07-08-2017
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Miracles never cease in the world of medicine. People are playing guitar in operation theatres while their legs are sawn off by surgeons; women are giving birth to baby girls in spite of consuming Patanjali’s Putrajeevak mixture of rare herbs sourced from the Himalayas; none of the family members of a patient, just discharged after 40 days of serial hospitalisation in four different super-special departments, had a heart attack after seeing the final bill; and, one of the ministers in the current patriotic government has actually been admitted to a swadeshi hospital following a mild sore throat.    

(Into the future.)

It’s October 1, 2017 and Gurgaon is meandering towards a standard “See you @the Cyber Hub @7” evening but for the wailing sirens and psychedelia of a Medanta - the Medicity Ambulance at the venerable IFFCO Chowk rushing towards the hospital. Inside the van lies a 40-something IT professional sucking at the oxygen mask. The unfortunate, high caste, urbane Hindu male has suffered serious internal injuries after being horned in by an angry gau mata on the busy MG Road. Eyewitnesses said that the holy animal got wild after being repeatedly offered tandoori parathas instead of polythene bag and assorted junk by the unfortunate in a bid to propitiate gau mata on the eve of an important job interview.

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The Medanta ER is already on full alert when the man is brought in. Immediately, a posse of junior doctors and instrumentation swarms the patient. His condition is declared "critical", meaning that the person’s relatives must really hurry up and make a caution deposit of Rs 3 lakh before a calendula can be affixed onto the back of the patient’s left hand. A few hours and a couple of bottles of blood later, Dr YM Raj, senior surgeon, arrives. He silently speed reads the reports from the clipboard hanging at the foot of the bed, throws a glance at the barely conscious patient and gravely commands, "Please call his attendant."

(The scene now shifts to just outside the ER…)

Dr YM Raj to attendant: "Aapke paas time bahut kam hai."

Bharat (the attendant): “Humne advance deposit kar diya hai.”

Dr YM Raj: “Good. But I am serious. Your patient is very serious.”

Bharat: “Oh! Please be frank and tell me what are his chances?”

Dr YM Raj: “Actually very slim. Only if he can hold on for the next 8 hours. Inko dua ki zaroorat hai.”

Bharat: “!?!”

Dr YM Raj: “Insurance hai?”

Bharat: “Kaunsa?”

Dr YM Raj: “Life wala”

Bharat: “Yes Sir, hai. He is heavily insured. In fact, I’m one of the nominees.”

Dr YM Raj: “Inka Aadhaar card bana hua hai?”

Bharat: “I don’t think so. He is a liberal. He even filed his IT return without Aadhaar.”

Dr YM Raj: “Oh!”

Bharat: “Kya hua, sir?”

Dr YM Raj: “From today, Aadhaar card ke bina death certificate nahin milega.”

Bharat: “What!”

Dr YM Raj: “Here is home ministry’s tweet. Official handle hai.”

Bharat: “Oh my god! Ab kya hoga?”

Dr YM Raj: “Please don’t waste time. Ho sake to inka Aadhaar card banwa lijiye. You have only a few hours!”

The next few hours are the longest in Bharat’s life. Glued to the UIDAI website, he makes frantic calls to one Aadhaar enrolment centre after another, until a good Samaritan agrees to come to the hospital along with the biometric recording equipment. Every second feels like an hour as Mr Nandan from the Nilekani Aadhaar Centre makes his way to the hospital. Once inside the ER, he takes patient’s finger prints and requests Dr YM Raj to (temporarily) remove the oxygen mask as he readies to photograph the patient.

There is not a single dry eye in the Medanta ER as Bharat breaks down and whispers into his brother’s ear, “Aadhaar banwa diya aapka. Ab koi chinta nahin.” Miraculously, the patient soon starts showing increased signs of life, and, six hours later, the oxygen mask is taken off. Interestingly, upon regaining full consciousness, a visibly angry patient is seen muttering, “Woh Bharat kahan hai?”   

Next day, in a press release issued by the medical superintendent of Medanta - the Medicity, Dr YM Raj claims: “In my long career as a doctor, I have seen many miracles, but this is the first-of-its-kind. It’s country’s first Aadhaar miracle!” 

Also read: Supreme Court leaves everyone hanging on Aadhaar for now

Writer

Mohinder Pal Singh Mohinder Pal Singh @notthatmp

Sailing on the ship of fools.

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