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#TheDailyToast: The great Indian refugee

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Gayatri Jayaraman
Gayatri JayaramanNov 24, 2015 | 10:45

#TheDailyToast: The great Indian refugee

Move over Syria, India's great migratory exodus is here. After scientists, historians and authors, it's the third wave due. Whether Aamir Khan wants to or not, several outraged right-wingers, most notably Anupam Kher we presume, are in the process of coming over to pack his bags for him. It is unclear if the dispirited actor would move to Pakistan, but considering that Shah Rukh Khan's legion of fans on his 50th look like an army sufficient unto itself to obstruct any move to disenfranchise his vote on tolerance, Aamir is now desperately recruiting fans for Dangal, never guaranteed by territory rights. Considering SRK has also nipped his lucky charm in a controversy, Kajol in Fanaa when Gujarat last shut down over a film, and no Satyamev Jayate or nephew's film to weep for on the horizon, Aamir's best bet is to eye Canada this time.

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In a show of solidarity with the FTII students, Anil Kapoor went dancing on stage at the beleaguered IFFI earning the wrath of actor Dhritiman Chatterjee. But poor Mr Chatterjee has clearly been watching too many art films, because from Dil Se to Fanaa, what else would Bollywood do when Section 144 is levied in an area but find an empty spot in front of things that are blowing up and dance?

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It's just appropriate.

In the meanwhile Manoj Tiwari, in shock at Aamir Khan's statement, is expected to request parliament to levy Section 144 on parts of the country where it is currently not levied. Like Chennai, where Jaya TV deals with the state's worst natural disaster since 1916 by pretending it just isn't happening. (Well just enough to request Rs 2000cr central relief package and receive only Rs 939cr to rehabilitate an entire state and, while we save the Ganga, kill all other existing water bodies in the country. No biggie.) The only problem with sticking one's head in the sand in TN right now is one is liable to drown while doing it. Or be bitten by a water snake. Good to see the Indian Met department crow about how right they were about the drought and their triumph over Skymet just a week earlier (someone kindly pack their bags for them too).

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As refugees go, Kiran Mazumdar Shaw is now claiming that status for biotech, warning dire investment shutdowns if tax exemptions are lifted.

In the meanwhile, the politically-homophobic ruling BJP has sent a delegation across to the Delhi CM's house to protest his hugging the chief minister of Bihar. Because that's just not done. Despite all protests that it was fodder-tainted Lalu that did the pulling and hugging, it's just not washing... Pack up Kejriwal. Off to Bihar with you. The #gharwapsi can happen when you hug a cow in repentance.

In the meanwhile, Indian-origin Silicon Valley executives are protesting outside Facebook against the two-month paternity leave that Zuckerberg has just set an extremely shoddy example by taking, because now all tech wives want to know why the hell their husbands can't change diapers. Twelve governors including Texas have voted against offering asylum to Indian men, whom even the ISIS agrees, "lack motivation".

Indian women are also seeking refuge, no no not after Smriti Irani went ballistic online insisting Indian women are just fine (thank god she's not in TN eh, talk about head in the sand), but on waking up to reports of the director of affairs at Sabarimala requesting a menstruation detector, responded by the #HappytoBleed hashtag, against the ostracisation of PMSing women. In Kashi, it's the sari that will now be demonised. Men's groups have responded by requesting equality in recognising their right to be forced to wear what they don't want, go where they don't want to, have curfews and to undergo severe discomfort and be cranky for three days and to not eat pickle, in a campaign that Indiatimes is expected to whole-heartedly throw itself behind. Maneka Gandhi hopes to get them to sign prenups to this effect. Don't throw her out, she's the only cow friendly person anyone can stand anymore. Remember when she used to be annoying?

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Last updated: November 24, 2015 | 19:41
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