An Olympian wrestler reveals what it was like being beaten by Baba Ramdev
Andrey Stadnik might have been the silver medalist in 66kg men’s freestyle wrestling competition at the Beijing Olympics, but he’s no match, and we mean it, no match at all for the saffron-langot and the rash of Patanjali brand beard that are Baba Ramdev’s USPs. Naturally, what’s Ukraine compared to modernised Ancient India that Ramdev has brought to life by the power of yoga-infused wrestling?
As the pretty pale-skinned pawn of a bickersome Ukrainian tribe watched in awe the divine acrobat Swami Baba Sri Sri Si Baba Swami Baba Ramdev standing on his head and tilting the axis of the known universe, he couldn’t have anticipated what would come next.
Or, could he, given that new theories of conscious and mind-mapping (ALL, EVERYTHING borrowed from the Vedic Age gurus who knew everything that needs to be known about the world and all the parallel universes that might have existed ever) say that you’re more aware of the incoming defeat than you are of the possibilities of victory?
Yoga guru and god-in-the-shape-of-a-bearded-man displayed, with humility and zero arrogance, his wrestling skills as he went “head-to-head” with the half-a-conqueror of Beijing, in that clash to remember. How the hairless wonder from Ukraine missed growing a beard himself, for the fear of being mistaken for an ISIS combatant on a secret mission to, err, terror-ise India.
So, as the hirsute human Brahmos missile that’s Ramdev romped and bumped Stadnik around from a safe distance of roughly one foot (the defence shield of the beard is a sphere with radius of one foot, but the magnetic field extends beyond this solar system), the Ukrainian witnessed the power of the tickle. He realised that laughter isn’t the best medicine; it’s the best poison to completely disarm the opponent who will be immediately overcome with a fear of getting a lice infestation.
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| It goes without saying that Andrey Stadnik will be going home a much satisfied man with a killer idea to promote yogic wrestling in Ukraine. |
And then those words came out. Those words of shame, of admitting utter and absolute defeat, by an unbelievable score of 12-naught! “Stop, your beard is tickling me.”
Thus revenge was extracted. The point of making it a “friendly fight” in a promotional bout of the 2017 Pro Wrestling League was actually to save Stadnik, who felled our beloved Sushil Kumar in 2008, from the utter ignominy that awaits him in the dangerous quarters of Patanjali-inspired Indian capital.
Just like Dr Manmohan Singh “saved” the current RBI governmor Urjit Patel at that other friendly match called Parliamentary Panel questioning session on demonetisation, Ramdev saved Stadnik by the power of his yoga.
The Ukrainian’s studies in the ways of the body had been so far ingloriously incomplete minus the beauties and psycho-physical empowerments that lie in the secret chamber that hordes Patanjali’s ayurvedic recipes to greatness. Baba showed him the way, ushered wrestling nirvana in as the untamed Ukrainian behaved like a perfectly obedient Jallikattu bull, a celebrated “partner” in the great sport of life.
Just like Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev of the Osho fame pointed out that in order to preserve the virile breeds of indigenous Indian bulls you need to drag them by the horn and fire them up, Ramdev demonstrated that selflessness of practicing yoga makes one so exalted that the shirshasana (standing on the head) and all the assorted asanas become yogic portals to train the worthy opponent into becoming even worthier.
It goes without saying that Andrey Stadnik will be going home a much satisfied man with a killer idea to promote yogic wrestling in Ukraine and even Azerbaijan (from where his wrestler wife hails). The entrepreneur-guru has just expanded the dominion of corporate yoga-cum-Indic Ukranian-sportsmanship by a million square miles.