Why should mornings only be for Repeaterji, and not Peterji?
I am not a morning person. And apparently neither is anyone of consequence in the news business.
Since I am up, I decide to surf through the news channels. I choose Hindi. I am faced with several alarming choices. Khabrein Super Fast. Morning Super Fast. Super Fast 200. And of course Break Fast on DD. Wah. I am sipping my morning chai and venture into the "fast" lane. I am greeting by an L Band advertising women's hosiery and a dead pan voice belting out the Khabar. The experience is revolting, not to mention, highly pointless.
I have heard all this the night before.
The same Peterji. The same repeaterji. The same breathless reporter who insists on mispronouncing "Mukerjea".
So I go fast fast fast into surf mode. I see an overweight female newsreader standing against what I suppose is a Newswall. She is stuffed into an ill-fitted jacket. Her hair is overweight too. I flee.
My next encounter is with my fate. And good luck. I am clearly not getting lucky. Channel down.
I land on the English news landscape. I am faced with the same-old-same-old. But at least the anchors have had time to shower.
Having worked in the industry I know how hard it is to motivate any journalist of "substance" to capture the morning audience. There is a misplaced belief that if you are in the "morning shift", you have been demoted. Very often, the voice over on the "speed news" is of a worn out person from the "night shift" and the "anchor" is a hangover of the final bulletin that no one watched, so he had to stay on to "do the morning".
Wake up, my friends. News is not a factory. And your audience has better things to do than watch you at your worst.
NBC's legendary morning show, the Today Show has been on air forever. The show has produced some of the most unforgettable anchors who became household names for American family audiences. Shot and aired live every morning from the ground floor studios in New York, the show attracts the local public who wait for hours to air their placards, wave to their families and basically, just be "seen". The format includes news, views, musical acts, human interest segments and celebrity talk, all seamlessly produced by some of NBC News' most senior professionals. Besides being a money spinner, it is also the leading morning experience that remained unparalled for years. Your luck if you possess a Today Show coffee mug.
The point here is this. Television is an intruder in a home and you had better be a likeable person if you are going to knock on the door. Or you will get thrown out.
With advertisers looking for "audience engagement and involvement", it is highly unlikely they are getting a bang for the meagre buck they spend on news shows by having their brands appear on morning segments that make you want to turn off your TV and hit the shower.
It is also highly unlikely that any newsmaker has given us fodder from the night before, so a morning show producer is often forced to recycle and rehash the news which is already frayed at the edges. Or resort to shrill "live" reports to follow up on political boo-boos of prime time, featuring morons who use words like "vulgarisation" on English channels and screech in Hindi, questioning the pretty anchor's own Hindi abilities.
Frankly, even as a woman, I would have rather woken up to a live chat with Sunny Leone on air than some Anjan from the CPI who should and must clearly remain "anjaan".
But then, the bigwigs are still snoring and the juniors are manning the morning shift from the night before, because no one cares that someone who is watching wants a pleasant viewing experience. Breaking News notwithstanding.
I finish my tea, turn off the TV and go back to sleep. I decide I will dream about the visual of Sanjeev Khanna wearing a pillow case on his head. I hope it makes me forget that hideous L band.