Why women at work can be the worst for other women
Men always say: women don’t get along at work. A woman at the top can barely control her emotions or somebody else like her. She brings too much of the personal at her desk.
I have fought useless battles on behalf of female bosses who were mocked by men around them… aggressive, people pleasers and, god forbid, if she happens to be pretty, then definitely sleeping with a man who matters.
Such demeaning stereotypes. All this is abhorrent and I had always wondered that despite sharing the same kind of pressures and threats externally, how is it that we have been unable to formulate a congress of working women who are mentors and supporters, encouraging role models who climb the ladder and then reach down to help other women on the way up.
In reality I have never ever seen that happen. Too many times I have seen women bosses hire other women who would be the least threat to their own position. Does hiring dumb and down sound like a smart decision?
And this is where those who are in a subordinate situation gang up against that successful person. Unknowingly, she manages to alienate herself and then blames others for her problems. I end up swinging both ways in this argument… did the woman create the problem or the problem create the threatened woman? Both actually.
Our success and positions are hard fought and hard won. We have tried incessantly to be free of labels and never really been free of the guilt. Of putting ourselves and our ambitions first and that makes us whacky and weird. As any anthro-socio person will tell you, this is the outcome of paternalistic societies, always.
But it certainly doesn’t explain why women are less supportive of other of the female species. I have seen so many young girls think that their female boss is a harridan when she pulls them up for delayed deadlines or some oversight. And yes, it is a cliché that the male boss gets a different reaction.
I have been called intimidating or "strict" when I could just be squinting into the computer thanks to lack of time to buy a new pair of glasses. I have been called aggressive when I have pursued people for a desired result even though, lobbying, influencing and persuading is a key part of my job. Men call it networking, right? But why can’t we women get our act together then?
Not so long ago, I watched a really bad movie. It was about Vegas showgirls and the intense competition between them. It was quite revealing to see the lengths they would go to trip up a potential threat… backbiting, setting them up, making them fall on the dance floor, fail an audition was all on par.
But there was an unlikely friendship and here is what the lead character had to say: “If I want to succeed, I have to surround myself with people who wish to succeed like me. So I hire smart and I hire hungry and what they achieve makes me look good.”
Her point being: keep your feelings out of consideration. Contribute to someone else’s success and watch your own worth grow. Like the ideologues said, “Rebellions are not carried out on a full stomach.”
Women have this last lesson to learn from the successful men in our midst. They compete, not envy. They are rivals, not threats. They don’t care who does well, as long as they do too. And of course, boys don’t cry!