Why I don't look down on kitty parties — neither should you
When I was younger, I had fixed ideas about most things that surrounded me. I had not lived life yet, nor had its events shaped my thoughts. I was callow, judgemental and extremely limited in my view of the world. Needless to say, I thought quite the opposite of myself. In my mind, I was a bleeding-heart liberal, even though I didn't quite know what that meant.
To be honest, I don't think any of us really knew what it meant - but those were heady days of youth - a time when all you want is freedom, which, you believe, is best achieved by imposing your will at every given point, and, of course, by discussing philosophies of John Stuart Mill late into the night. That was liberalism for most of us when we were young.
So, where am I going with this? I am getting to it.
As you grow older, your liberalism fades, or rather, you get to understand what it really means. You become less judgemental, you learn to give people the benefit of doubt - because, in many cases, you've been there and you understand the simple fact that there is a world of difference between how you react to a situation and how you think you would react to it.
You have, by this time, lived through many a humbling moment, when you become cognisant of the gap between your actions and your perceptions of yourself and your actions.
Take kitty parties for instance. In my twenties and even thirties, I would look at women who went for kitty parties with a superior disdain. "Get a life", or "don't they have any interests", were some typical responses to the idea. I could not understand why women wanted to spend afternoons dressing up, playing cards and indulging in banal chatter and fried food - because that's really all I saw of it - (it's what Rolf Dobelli would call, "confirmation bias").
I didn't, for instance, see that this so-called "banal-talk" was exactly what these women needed, and that this was really all that the women did for their own entertainment.
I did not see their conspicuous-by-their-absence husbands, who flew around the world, went on networking trips and made their way to the top of corporate worlds, as these women held fort, often alone, staying with the children, ferrying them to classes, doctors and birthday parties.
I didn't see that these women cooked, cleaned and kept the house running with plumbers and electricians on their speed dials. And that these little getaways were their only breathers.
Today, I see a different picture of the same image. I've learned that women spend their lives thinking about their families - often taking a backseat and putting their lives, careers and aspirations on hold, so that their husbands can work and their children can be looked after.
These women do little for themselves - they don't have colleagues, so they make friends with other moms, neighbours, vegetable sellers and chemists.
So, for them kitty parties are really their only "me time", so to speak. It's a time when they dress up, eat, laugh and vent (mostly about mothers in law, and when they turn into them, about daughters in law). And it's therapeutic.
This women-camaraderie is what rejuvenates them, as they exchange notes on their worries, troubles and milestones - often finding comfort in the fact that they are not alone in their situations.
But today, I see the full picture, and I do not judge any woman who wants to spend an afternoon playing cards and talking about her maids, or the lack of them.
That's what being in your forties really teaches you - to take people for what they are and not what you believe they should be.
So, the next time you look at a group of women in a restaurant, see the joy on their faces. And notice that they'll be looking at their watches - because once the kids get home, they will leave too.
These are just some moments they have managed to snatch. And oh, if your liberal daughter frowns on them - tell her to go look up the word, it starts with tolerance.