TVF founder molestation charges: Depressing truth about sexual harassment
The TVF sexual harassment case has brought to light various abiding misconceptions and untruths that lie embedded in all discourse around sexual harassment (SH).
First, that the girl should have complained to the police right away. This is just absurd as a demand to make of a young woman from Muzaffarpur who starts working in a big city.
The fact that she did it anonymously, the fact that she quit is courageous enough.
Women stay in abusive marriages all their lives. Women stay in offices where they have been harassed for decades. We need to understand why rather than condemn them for it.
A new office, a new workspace, a young start-up and a sleazy boss are all difficult things to process for anyone.
Second, that a single, heterosexual man has the right to call women sexy (and he did much worse), even if they do not like it.
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| Popular conceptions of romance tell us women mean Yes when they say NO. Photo: YouTube/Internet |
While it is important to avoid cultures of moral policing and support and promote healthy cultures of sexuality between young people and old people, it is very clearly an offence to say and do something to someone against their will.
This is just male, heterosexual entitlement and it is heterosexist, heteronormative and misogynist. If they do not like it, one has to stop immediately and apologise.
This man clearly used his power to continually harass several young women.
Third, consent is an important word one has to keep in mind. SH hinges on this word. All sexual expression is acceptable as long as it has the consent of the person to whom it is made. It is a simple word and has no complications to it.
The contexts in which SH unfolds - offices, schools, colleges, the streets - all have complicated dynamics of power in them (consider the alleged draconian and unacceptable TVF work contract).
But consent does not. It is obvious when someone does not like or appreciate an advance or a comment.
The law on SH rattles our society so much because it is the first and perhaps the only one that has women and their own wills at the centre.
All other laws position women as the daughter, wife, sister and mother.
This is a law that says: "I, as a woman, decide that I do not want this."
Men lose their shit at the audacity of that idea. Most places do not even have the policy in place, despite the Vishakha Guidelines which, since 1997 (they came out of the Bhanwari Devi rape case, called the Vishakha judgment), has made it mandatory for both public and private organisations to have sexual harassment policies.
TVF should be shut down purely on the basis of breaking the law.
Fourth, we are brought up to believe women have no agency of their own, no rights.
Popular conceptions of romance tell us women mean Yes when they say NO.
Popular cinema tells us that stalking them, harassing them, pulling them, pushing them is all part of the game of love.
When women say No, men think it is acceptable and legitimate to throw acid in their faces, stab them, kill them. Women are the property of men.
Men take their own agency for granted.
As a gay man, I always comment on men's photographs on Facebook calling them "hot" or "sexy".
It is a litmus test for me. If they thank me, I know they are okay with the compliment and consent to it and are not homophobic.
If they respond badly, I delete the comment, delete them from among my friends. It makes many men uncomfortable. I ask them if they now understand how women feel when they get unsolicited comments.
Very often, these men are such cowards, they get friends or their girlfriends to inform me that they are uncomfortable with it, that their friends are upset, that their officemates mind, that their parents are having heart attacks over it.
So, why the double standards? Why not understand this is what women might be feeling?
Why not understand the hesitation women might feel, especially in situations of imbalances of power equations?
Fifth, and finally, the trivialisation of SH - seen clearly in the nasty, abusive and incredibly arrogant comments by Arunabh Kumar - shows our entire culture legitimises SH.
Our festivals legitimise it: consider the Nepali woman raped on Holi, which is national legitimation of sexual harassment day, our films legitimise it: "Tera peecha karu, tho tokne ka nahi," to borrow from a recent, popular song of a Hindi film, every sad, sorry and sick part of our lives legitimises it.
This has to stop.