To Sonia and Rahul: The new oath of office

Now that West Bengal Congress MLAs have been asked to sign a stamp paper swearing unqualified allegiance to Sonia and Rahul Gandhi, I have a suggestion. Let us make it national.

Let it be signed by the MLAs in the few states they still have a presence and the 43 MPs, excluding of course Soniaji and Rahulji.

Here is a draft they might like to consider:

I, xxx (name to be filled in full, father's name must be mentioned), hereby declare unqualified allegiance to Sonia and Rahul Gandhi.

I promise to speak very politely to Madhavan when asking for Soniaji's appointment and wait patiently for at least a year, while calling every day, before getting even the hint of it coming through.

If I am lucky enough to get a meeting with Rahul Gandhi, maybe as part of a group of journalists for an off the record chat, I promise to impress him by eating from the same plate as his dog.

I promise to get an injection of blue blood before the meeting and choose an opportune moment to spill it as a mark of loyalty and proof of pedigree.

I promise to dredge up whichever ethnicity I can find in my DNA to suit his choice of the moment - being full Kashmiri Pandit to his quarter Kashmiri Pandit I am already at an advantage.

I promise never to ask questions about his foreign trips and their purpose.

I promise to always address him as Master.

I promise to talk only about women empowerment and escape velocity of Jupiter.

I promise to never mention the P-words - neither Priyanka Gandhi nor president of the Congress Party.

As for Soniaji, after I'm done praising Rahulji's youthfulness (never mind that he turns 46 on June 19) and his intellectual brilliance, I promise to praise her Indian-ness, her ability to assimilate and take turns at verbally shooting down those she dislikes, a long list that begins with Narendra Modi and Subramanian Swamy and ends with Tavleen Singh.

I will also praise, but not too highly as to arouse suspicion, all the second generation politicians in the Congress (with the exception of those who decamped like Jaganmohan Reddy).

I will not mention Robert or his land deals or his political ambition or his waxed hair.

I will not mention any leader in the Congress pantheon who worked for our independence except Jawaharlal Nehru and Mahatma Gandhi.

I promise to remark how like Indiraji she now seems, down to the watch and the blinking.

I promise to sign all this in my injected blue blood, embellished with tears for the damaged secular fabric of my nation (the only part that is authentic).

I promise to get Digvijaya Singhji and Manmohan Singhji as witnesses.

In the name of the Mother, the Son and the Holy Ghost of the Congress Party.