So, Indian men love violent porn: Why are we not surprised?

The Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) evidently has its hands full tackling huffing and puffing men who adore violent cyber pornography - you know the below the belt stuff with a lot of belt as well. As if the 857 smutty websites duly listed out by the government of India were not enough, the CBI is losing its sleep over the violence of sexual play-acts that the "domineering male population" can't live without.

Please forget the violence on the streets, folks. The mob lynching, the daylight murders, the gun-slinging and flinging: all that is passé. Not good enough for CBI's elevated taste. The caged parrot would rather fret over what knocks the boxers off our cyber men, with their "insatiable lust and penchant for salacious material, including violence against women".    

If the government was trying to be the Big Daddy, hawkishly telling us that porn is against Indian culture - never mind the temple carvings from you know where, the book you know by whom, and the sheering freaking numbers testifying our miraculous capacity to multiply - the CBI has gone one step further and "qualified" exactly what sort of porn Indian men have a weakness for.

A bit of BDSM is evidently matter of national security for our top sleuths, EL James be damned. Moreover, the CBI also wants to be the sole arbitrator of punishing such "cybersex offences".

Meanwhile, a man in Pune happily beheads his wife and walks on the roads holding the severed head in his hand, dangling it by the bloodied hair like some sort of inverted trophy. Perhaps the CBI connects his tribute to the spliced wife to an ISIS beheading video that, in net-speak, had "gone viral".

The horrors walk on the street as the CBI obsesses about kinky sex.

You all need to get laid. Or, laid off. Yep that.