This past year, on September 11, many Americans were taking a pause on this momentous date, remembering the tragedy of 16 years ago. By contrast, however, Ted Cruz was liking a porn video on Twitter.
I sat to write a song about it, and it seems a bit easy to mock a religious politician for watching porn. Instead, let's see Cruz' Twitter-like as what it really is: a chance to bridge America's ideological divide and focus on what unites us. I offer you, "Ted Cruz, porn watcher, and savior."
Here are the lyrics to the song.
- Ted Cruz, I’m not surprised you like porn
- Most folks do in the comfort of home
- But what’s less common, made my heart titter
- Was seeing you like your porn on Twitter
- Although I’v watched smut for decades now
- Searching for clips that make me “wow
- But I ain't seen, no way, no how,
- No, I ain’t ever seen debauchery
- I needed to praise publicly
- I know it was likely a staffer’s mistake
- But that’s not how I want to picture it
- I wanna picture instead a horny Cruz
- Blowing off steam like all us do
- It honestly gives to me a sense of shared humanity
- To picture Cruz typing @sexuallposts
- Cause he liked their porn the most
- Maybe if we see commonalities we got
- It’d break congressional gridlock
- I don't wanna picture Cruz brow furrowing
- With sweat building upon his chin
- But in this age of political division
- Maybe we can unify around sin
- Me and Cruz and all of you
- Can all share in having viewed
- Some porn on screens or on the tube
- So ain't we sisters and brothers!
- Big hugs from a Yankee to a Texan
- We’re all watching porn from the Rio Grande
- Up to New York City and Boston
- Chicago and LA
- Yeah, a crazy high percentage
- of the internet’s porn and I wonder ‘at home
- What kind my coworkers check on on Chrome
- Well, never mind that
- Let me savor this fantasy
- That Ted Cruz has something in common with me
- Liking porn on Twitter
- Is politically brave
- Liking porn on Twitter
- Our country may save
- Ted Cruz, porn watcher, and savior
Also read: How getting trolled actually helps Priyanka Chopra