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Why I find Delhi aunties obnoxious

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Koel Purie Rinchet
Koel Purie RinchetFeb 25, 2017 | 11:36

Why I find Delhi aunties obnoxious

For a long time now I’ve been watching the aunties of Delhi. By aunties I don’t mean my mum’s friends but actually my peers who’ve aged into polki-wearing memsaabs who think it’s beneath them to carry their own designer bags.

You know the ones I mean — those who boast about lunching at Pa Pa Ya every week or whichever is the hottest new restaurant hard to get reservations at. I’ve wondered about them because they look peaceful and guilt-free spending their husband’s money, stuffing their stretched faces and talking about nothing but the rumours surrounding the missing friend on the table.

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I want to move their blonde blow-dried soft curls out of their faces, look deep into their coloured lenses and understand who they really are, what makes them tick, and do their souls feel free?

I almost envy the laughter of these women who seemingly don’t do anything but lunch and yet feel worthy. Almost.

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'Polki-wearing memsaabs think it’s beneath them to carry their own designer bags.' (Credit: Anjali Rajkumar)

Then I remember these are the same women who will notice what brand my shoes are before they’ll ask me how I am or what I am up to. Delhi has always been about what car you’re driving and what your last name is, rather than how talented or fun you are. I lived in Bandra in Mumbai and the difference was palpable — it was all about what I did, how I thought and not about which family I was born into.

This has long stopped bothering me, but what I can’t move past is gross classist cruelty of these aunties.

Do they not feel the discomfort of their hungry awkward nannies who are made to stand at their table in a restaurant or worse, outside, while they and their brats waste the food on the plate?

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Would it be too much to offer the person who looks after your most precious thing a chair or something to eat?

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'What’s with wearing a medley of Gucci, Armani, Versace and LV, all at once while their maids are in a torn, faded, hand-me-down kurta and patched slippers five sizes too big? (Credit: Tara Kloé Rinchet)

If nothing else, aren’t they afraid that the built-up frustration might be vented on their offspring? How do they sleep easy? While I’m at it, what’s with wearing a medley of Gucci, Armani, Versace and LV, all at once while their maids are in a torn, faded, hand-me-down kurta and patched slippers five sizes too big?

Why do these women lose their humanity when they gain their wealth? Maybe they never had any. What they forget is the state of their help is a reflection of their money and class.

Besides, this lot can’t function without the help. A lot of these so-called yummy mummies are scared of having to handle their own children alone. It’s baffling to me that they can’t feed, bathe or put to bed a being that came out of them.

They’d rather trust a stranger, sometimes no older than a teenager, to care for their baby than themselves.

Here in Tokyo too, we have many yummies and lunching ladies. I had dinner the other night with one such diva socialite whose privileged life gets a five-page feature every few months.

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She came in looking like a vision, dripping in diamonds with flawless make up and an intricate up-do. But she had cooked her husband dinner, put her child to sleep, organised the bento for the next day and only then stepped out. It’s not that she can’t afford the help, it’s the way she’s been brought up and thinks nothing of it.

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Many people can balance their work-home life.

Hollywood movie stars are known to do their groceries, cook and clean. This does not happen in moneyed Delhi.

It’s the lifestyle and upbringing. If you’ve never so much as poured yourself a glass of water, then how can you look after a child? This to them is manual labour and why should they do it when they can pay someone next to nothing to do it.

In my new home country, the kids as young as five help make their own lunch at school, then clean up after themselves, they even take turns to clean the toilet — chores are given as much importance as academics.

It’s through this they learn self-sufficiency, team work, respect and understanding for the smallest of jobs and the ability to roll up their sleeves and do whatever is required to keep the world functioning.

If you think about it, these are all necessary skills for an independent, successful person. Yet, in India, we scoff at having to untie our own shoelaces or carry our own bloody shopping through the mall.

I have nothing against domestic help, on the contrary I love that I don’t have to do my daily laundry or cook meals for my family. In fact, my working life would be a distant dream without my daughter’s nanny.

It’s the attitude towards these people who make our lives possible that disturbs me. Treating them like dirty, stupid slaves because you know they’re desperate for the job. Shouting and abusing them because you know they can’t shout back.

It’s easy to fall into this pattern, I know I did till I heard my daughter ape my horrific tone. It needs to stop. Afford them the dignity that should rightfully be theirs because after all, unlike you, they are working to pay their way through life.

(Courtesy: Mail Today)

Last updated: February 26, 2017 | 12:18
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