Oh Baby Doll, who is afraid of censor board?

The new Censor Board of Film Certification (CBFC) is being panned by many who live in PK's "gola" - who do not assume themselves to be constellations of a star called Modi - for being inept. They are being unreasonable, of course. Pahlaj Nihalani, the new CBFC chief, should have been made lifetime chairperson of the board long ago. He is that qualified. He was such a good censor board chief that he censored and tonsured his own film career and saved people the torture once he realised that his films had a formula that not many were able to decipher. I am sure he was good and all, making all those Govinda-Chunkey Pandey films, and many people even watched some of the films he made. But I am equally sure not many would have cleared the test if they were asked what they saw immediately after they saw the film.

Any which way, it does not matter. I am not here to talk about the CBFC, which sounds suspiciously like some sick PSU company whose fate should be debated by Arun Jaitley and Left-leaning economists who diss disinvestment than a panel whose members have the best job in town - watching all the unedited films. Imagine. Let me repeat that in slow motion: I.M.A.G.I.N.E!

Imagine getting to watch all Sunny Leone films in full, and then deciding the heat factor - cut this, this, this, and that; and, oh, that one, too, and it's good to go - for the lesser mortals.

That's perhaps what Alexander thought (won that, that and that place; so will not fight with full force for this one). Or having to watch Messenger of God, and deciding the factor, any factor beyond the fact that it has been made, on which to clear it - and then unleash it on the public. That's perhaps what Stuart Binny thinks while playing as a bowling all-rounder (imagine that, too!) for India in ODIs (got whacked on the first five balls, so what? Here, take the sixth one).

For now, I think there is this, this and that reason for which film lovers should love the fact that Nihalani has found the chair many of us lust over:

1. India is now officially ready for postmodernist films. Like Messenger of God, where the lead actor is hairier than Anil Kapoor, rides bikes better than John Abraham, and rocks more than a chair. Or, imagine, we are also ready for a Shola Aur Shabnam Redux. Rocking, eh?

2. Look forward to sci-fi horror films from the Mahesh/Mukesh/Vikram Bhatt stable involving Vedic age planes (and Bipasha Basu flying them), Vedic medicines (and Bipasha popping the pills), Vedic supercomputers (Bipasha writing codes on them)... you get the basic drift (no, pause your wanton thoughts, Bipasha is not drifting in which that).

3. Get a whole range of meaningful films, now that Baby Doll has been sung, Honey's rap rapped, ripped apart and raved over, Sajid Khan has made his first few experimental films meant for golas that are farther than PK's, Farah Khan has made her Happy New Year that apparently sent Deepika Padukone into a bout of depression, and Shahrukh Khan has finally discovered that there's nothing to be discovered any more. So, don't fret; cherish what you got, as no new censor board can get all that undone.

Now bring on all the family drama. Kyunki trance bhi kabhi dance thhi.