The big Bollywood wedding is getting fatter

The loudspeaker was blaring out "Saari kei fall sa kabhi match kiya rey, kabhi chhor diya dil kabhi catch kiya rey". This is at noon on a weekday. Even before I could apply my mind to what those profound lyrics really meant, the mood had changed with a much younger Lata Mangeshkar squeaking "Yeh galiyan yeh chaubara, yahan aana na dobaara". I went to the window of my second floor apartment living room to peek out. 

Below, my landlord's backyard was a riot of colours. Yellow, purple, and red striped clothes criss-crossed with the wintry sun. Men and women of varying ages dressed in fancy, expensive clothes sat basking in the warm garden area, digging into kebabs and paneer tikkas, sipping their preferred drinks. A young DJ dressed in a white rebelliously themed T-shirt with large earphones stood in one corner switching tracks. He had now moved on to defining the colour of water with Yo Yo Honey Singh crooning "Blue hai paani paani". 

This was day three of a six-day-long wedding itinerary of my neighbour Mr. X's only daughter. I am told Mr. X is a doctor who specialises in some new cancer treatment machine and is one among very few with such expertise in India.

For the first two nights, there were live dhols and screaming bhangra interspersed with laughter and loud chatter well past midnight as I struggled in bed to shut the noise out. We scribes have serious sleep issues, and occasions like this only add to the woes. Nothing much could be done since this is the season of big fat indian weddings. From Noida to Delhi to Gurgaon, several of my friends seem to share the agony. It is not really about metropolitan and plush cities, but even common to smaller towns. 

This is the time of the year when you will see a poor groom wiping beads of sweat off his forehead while struggling to keep his balance on a whimsical ghori (mare) that refuses to budge or suddenly kickstarts like a Bajaj scooter. But the crowd of family and friends in front or on the sides is oblivious to this love-hate budding affair, as they focus on demonstrating their peculiar grooves and moves, much to the annoyance of passersbys honking their vehicles in vain.

A few years ago, I had been invited for a young colleague's wedding. At one point, the bride and groom mounted a ladder to climb atop a creaky, high, narrow pillar-like stage. Soon it began revolving as the couple struggled to not fall off with anxious onlookers waiting with bated breath for what seemed inevitable. Not to forget the star performers were showered with rose petals. The scene looked inspired by the hit movie Band, Baaja, Baaraat.

But that is how Indians -- especially in Northern and Western parts of the country -- have been inspired by the big, fat weddings glamourised by Bollywood for over two decades. Hum Aapke Hain Kaun by Rajshri brothers in 1994 rewrote wedding traditions for the nation at large. A stunning Madhuri Dixit and super-rich-boy-next-door Salman Khan aside, heavily embroidered clothes, never ending song and dance sequences, coming together of families from far and flung to celebrate a wedding resonated with both middle class and elite families. The movie tapped into a heady mix of rising social ambitions woven into cultural threads, the urge for family bondings and display of status and wealth. Not to forget Madhuri's clothes were the most plagiarised outfits of the day!

Just a year later in 1995, the king of romance, late Yash Chopra produced the super duper hit film that is now celebrating its record 1000th week of running in theatres. Aditya Chopra directed Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge and took the next step and tapped into the NRI market. The fancy Punjabi wedding backdrop and Raj and Simran's love story raked in box office moolah overseas like never before. No wonder wedding-themed movies then became a cult to follow.

Movies that tapped into the Punjabi culture to those like Kal Ho Naa Ho that realised the growing market potential of Gujjus (Gujaratis) too, both in the country and abroad. Weddings on silver screen were sold like the flawless vision of happiness, togetherness and dollar dreams that Indians were aspiring for post liberalisation of markets and the economy. Common threads ran through these scripts -- there was oodles of wealth, exotic locales, professional achievements abroad, liqour that flowed during bachelor night celebrations and the foreign returned but traditional bride who would be depicted a virgin and take much offence when asked about pre marital sex by the playboy groom.

If there were movies that glamourised weddings, there were those like Monsoon Wedding too that highlighted hypocrisies that are a part of the social narrative.

Fast forward to recent years-and Band, Baaja, Baaraat reignited the enthusiasm around weddings with a perfect theme -- from Karol Bagh's Talwar Aunty to Chhatarpur Farms' Binny Uncle -- a fancy, lavish shaadi is a right for every household. A dream to die for.

So, as I curse Bollywood for tansforming the shaadi -- the institution of marriage that I respect -- into a circus of tapestry, glitter, and bling, I will have to silently bear with Shaadi Ke Side Effects for yet another winter.

Oh, and my perfect wedding scene: Julia Roberts in pure white running away as wedding pressure mounts, to board the first bus available!