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Just how deep is 'Hindu Americans' and Trump's love?

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Angshukanta Chakraborty
Angshukanta ChakrabortyOct 18, 2016 | 13:32

Just how deep is 'Hindu Americans' and Trump's love?

America, and indeed the world at large, might now want to duck this Donald, but not those who call themselves the "Republican Hindu Coalition" and generally want to keep India alive within them by indulging in some Bollywood-inspired gyration techniques that even Bollywood would like to distance itself from.

For the Republican Hindu Coalition, which is busy in vitro fertilising RSS-VHP-birthed worldview with the GOP nominee's tabula rasa of a brain, Trump is a godsend.

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So at the Shalabh Kumar-funded RHC event, Donald Trump not only showed up, but he declared: "I am a big fan of Hindu, and I am a big fan of India."

He's a later-day Columbus, really, inventing countries on the go, and lighting diyas on stage while ogling at the hostess' ample back as the camera rolls on.

To be honest, Donald really vowed the New Jersey uncle who sends WhatsApp forwards to global desi family groups which most of us want to dissociate from.

We wish to exit quietly, without making a fuss, without hurting the family sentiments of Uncleji because his grocery store is a stone throw away from a convention centre where Trump might be flown in sooner than later.

And Trump makes the right noise. For the New Jersey wale Uncle, for whom Shalabh Kumar is the Gujarat riots-denying, Muslim-bashing model millionaire, to be hosting a charity show with Trump as chief guest and squeezing in a Malaika Arora, Prabhu Deva and Bollywood starlet-themed "cultural function" is the best Diwali gift ever.

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Hindu Sena celebrating Donald Trump's birthday. (Photo credit: Reuters)

It's what the family lore is made of… "When President Trump came into our grocery store to pick up some packaged khakra and papad…"

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And then there's that amazing chorus of Bruce Springsteen meets that all-weather Bollywood dance beat pen drive. A fusion that would put the MIT guys to shame because it's so self-generating.

The US Navy Seal-type young "Hindu American" lads, who are otherwise gainfully employed in C-grade software projects, either hungrily waiting for their green cards, or tearing out hair follicles trying to pay back the student loan, find that it is at these Bollywood-themed events that they find their true calling.

Other than adding to the army of internet Hindus, of course, digital warriors from afar, before which even King Xerxes' battalion and all the Hollywood special effects pale to nothing.

Not for them the posher Indian Americans who agitate at plum university campuses in bustling cities that call themselves cosmopolitan. Not for them the Indian Americans who sloganeer at #BlackLivesMatter marches, or hold placard condemning GOP's absolutely wonderful policies on gay marriage, reproductive rights, university tuition fees, and other useless trending topics. Not for them the 90 per cent of South Asians who, heaven forbid, might be voting Democrats and for Crooked Hillary.

If the New Jersey wale Uncle tried his best getting a ticket to Narendra Modi's Madison Square Gardens event in 2014, but couldn't make it, his beta has done him real proud by bulk colour-printing the "Get Modi" leaflet featuring a horned Hillary-Sonia maleficent coefficient.

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If Uncle was displeased that Modi looked positively afraid of the two evil women in the photo, at least he was proud that Lord Ram in Modiji needed a divine friend in America to clear the cobwebs of doubt and to fight the ISIS on the streets of New Jersey.

Aka, The Donald.

The Donald, in addition, puckered his mouth like a puffer fish once again, and Uncle could feel his chest swelling with pride. After all, only Trump realises the urgency with which a working wife poses a danger to family values, which are the same in both the GOP and the virat Hindu parivar. Of course, it involves a lot of disco dandiya and praising the cow even as your chief guest sells beefsteaks to meat-eating infidels.

Which means Uncle will excuse Trump's putting Indian parliament in Mumbai - he's a real estate mogul, he can erect ten parliaments in the city of his choice, what's the big deal? - and may even concede to it being renamed the Trump Circle after a generous wall is built around it, with Indian money, of course, to prevent light sabre-wielding terrorists from coming in.

Whatta a national security plan!

Last updated: October 18, 2016 | 14:59
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