Haggling in an open market in Mumbai

Haggling is in our DNA. We haggle over everything. We don't even leave our gods alone. God, give me 95 per cent in this exam, will offer you five laddus. If you give me even 90 per cent, I will offer 1kg laddu. Please, god, please. There are some places where we don’t. Like the multinational food chains. We never ask the McDonald’s guy to sell a burger for Rs 20 if it’s priced at Rs 50. However, at the neighbourhood grocery shop, we don’t feel good unless we haggle. And it is true for the shopkeeper as well. Everyone loves to haggle.

Gujaratis are famous for being shrewd hagglers, forever looking for a good bargain where there isn’t. Here’s a conversation at a fresh fruit shop in Mumbai. Reproduced verbatim. The prospective buyer is a Gujarati named Mr Shah. And the seller is a bespectacled Marathi man known as Shiv something. Here we go: 

Shah: Kitne ke diye, bhau! (How much?)

Shiv: 200 ka ek, kitna chahiye. (200 for one. How many do you want?)

Shah: Chahiyye toh 22 par 50 ka ek lagaao toh saarey leh loonga. (I need only 22 but if you price it at 50, will buy all of them.)

Shiv: Kya mazaak kar rahe ho, saheb! 150 toh kharidi hai. (Stop joking, sir. I purchased it for 150 myself.)

Shah: Halo 60 mein do, sab le loonga. (Okay, 60 then, final.)

Shiv: Chalo aapke liye 120. (Okay. For you only 120.)

Shah: Yaar, bagal mein NC market mein 20-20 ke mil rahe hain. (Friend, right next doors is the NC market where I will get everything for 20 each.)

Shiv: Kaun? Sharad ki dukaan mein? (Who? At Sharad's store?)

Shah: Haan, Uupar se paise bhi abhi nahin dena. (Yes, on top of that I don't have to pay now, I can even pay later.)

Shiv: Maal bhi to dekho. Ghatiya maal. Pet kharab hoga. Poora parivar badnaam hoga so alag. (Ok, that stuff? That is so cheap. It will upset your stomach and your family will suffer. Stay away from there.)

Shah: Tum theek-theek lagao. (Then you give me a good price.)

Shiv: Itna bargaining nahin chalega. Lena hai to lo, nahin to jao. (Can't bargain so much. If you want to buy, buy, otherwise buzz off.)

Shah: Theek hai. (Ok then.) *Starts to walk away

Shiv: O bhai, chal aaja tere liye 100. (All right brother, for you 100).

Shah: Bhai, ye koi baat nahin hui. Main tumse le jaata hoon kyonki apna purana relation hai. Tumhare pitaji aur hamaare pitaji dost the. (Bro, this is not cool. I come to you because you and I go a long way back. Your dad and my dad were buddies. That doesn't mean you fleece me.)

Shiv: Isiliye to main bhi bhaav achchha laga raha hoon. Warna signboard dekhlo Fixed Price. (That is why I am giving you a good price. Otherwise, we don't bargain. Look at the sign outside, Fixed Price.)

Shah: Arre yaar, fixed price toh sab likhte hain. Par mandii ka zamaana hai. Abhi kidhar se kaun aayega tera maal lene. (Hey bro, everyone says its fixed price. This is an open market. In this depression market, who will come to your store to pick up anything?)

Shiv: Chalo dimaag mat kharaab karo, 100 ke lo. Taul raha hoon. (Don't eat my head please. 100 is non-negotiable. Shall I start packing?)

Shah: Na teri na meri, 75! (Neither yours nor mine, let's agree at 75.)

Shiv: Chalo 80, last price. (Ok, 80. Last price.)

Shah: Ruko main phone karke aata hoon… Ghar mein poochh to loon. (Wait... Let me at least call home and discuss.)

Shiv: Na lena, na dena, khaali time khoti karne ka. Ae Aadi, dukaan badha. (Don't you have any other business than to waste my time? Beta Aadi, down the shutters. We open tomorrow again.)