Some Noida residents fear experiencing 'the spirit of Mumbai' after an hour of mild rain

The spell of shower set off some unnecessary panic.

 |  2-minute read |   03-09-2018
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Noida: After almost 47 minutes of intense drizzling, several Noida residents expressed their trepidation about the adverse effects of “torrential rains” on their suburban lives. While 31-year-old Prashant Dikshit, a senior manager at Sundari Textile Mills, was a little more than annoyed at not being able to go for his post-lunch 1pm smoke break, his colleague Miss Geeta had other fears.

“What if this rain does not stop?” she asked around the five desks in her immediate vicinity, adding, “How will we get home?”

More than 15 years of residence in Noida (and 10 years in Ghaziabad before that) had not prepared the 38-year-old accountant for this unprecedented amount of not-so-heavy rain in the National Capital Region. As if competing with the sudden bout of influenza that always accompanied the “season change” rains in early September, the contagion of Miss Geeta’s dismay was apparent in moments.

58-year-old Ashok babu, the fruitfully ineffective filing clerk — who was nearing his retirement — let out a worried mumble, almost on cue. Mrs Gupta, Miss Geeta’s neighbour (both inside and outside office), wondered aloud, “Baap re, agar Bambai jaisi haalat ho gayi to?”

satire-rain-2_090318021330.jpgMr Dikshit pines for his post-lunch smoke.

Speaking to DailyO over the phone, Mrs Gupta expressed her disgust at the very idea of wading through the “keechad-kachra paani” of Noida, adding that she wasn’t going to open her gates to rickshaw-walas, should a flood occur.

Woh saare chor hi toh hote hain.”

A general din of agreement could be heard from around Mrs Gupta over the phone call to this reporter. Mr Chaurasia could be heard loudly adding that there would be no need to allow maids either, after all, they had all crossed the border from Bangladesh to enter Noida. He also challenged the geographically non-existent Malayali man in Noida, to send support from UAE in Yogi Adityanath’s “Uttam Pradesh”.

satire-rain_090318021349.jpgMrs Gupta isn't going to open her gates to rickshaw-walas, should a flood occur.

Mahesh Mathur, the other accountant, immediately interjected that all these fears were hogwash and that a recent NASA satellite probe had revealed that Noida could not be flooded in the next 10 years because of a change in wind patterns from Gorakhpur shortly after Yogi ji was elected chief minister. According to Mr Mathur, the report was sent directly to Indians from NASA by WhatsApp, so that the “paid media” could not distort it.

Fortunately for all the employees of Sundari Textile Mills, of course, the drizzling slowed down to an even gentler pitter-patter, rendering the discussion moot.

However, because Mrs Gupta had forgotten to disconnect the call, DailyO was privy to what happened over the next 26 minutes, after which our reporter disconnected — a result of chronic boredom triggered by a long-winded conversation about the previous night’s episode of Kuch Rang Pyar Ke Aise Bhi.

(This piece is a work of satire)

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