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An old politician who missed the JNU bus

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Kamal Mitra Chenoy
Kamal Mitra ChenoySep 26, 2015 | 11:21

An old politician who missed the JNU bus

Dr S is one of the most energetic politicians in the Sangh Parivar. More so since he is perpetually looking for a job. He cites several offers, but those are evidently beneath him. After all, he teaches at Columbia University, and knows a thing or two about economics not to speak about how to run an economy. The current economic bureaucrats are apparently not up to his mark, since he points out that he was asked to be the chairperson of the World Bank. He has been asked to take up other posts, but he only wants one in which he can serve the nation, and act against left bandicoots, jihadis, and other threats to the nation.

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Finally, he set his sights on the JNU. He said the academic standard of the university was poor as were the professors. No evidence was provided. But who can question an intermittent Columbia Don? In the interests of the nation, academia and law and order, Dr S promised to clean up the JNU with the proverbial "swachh" broom. To protect national interest, and the interests of genuine students, he demanded as the price of his sacrificing priceless national time, that he should be allowed to arrest "jihadis" and "naxals".

When told that the Vasant Vihar Police Station was close enough, and that they had the responsibility to make arrests, Dr S curled his lip and like Captain Courageous with a peremptory sentence, asked the police to heed his views in such matters. The police deferentially pointed out that in the history of the JNU there had been no arrests of jihadis or naxals, he glowered and sternly pointed out that he knew from well informed, but secret sources that the JNU was full of "anti-nationals". "Haven't you ever arrested anyone," he asked. "You have been allowing anti-nationals, jihadis, naxals and other enemies of the nation to flourish!"

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The police was cowed. Finally, a few officers pointed out that some students, of which a few were in the faculty, had been arrested during the Emergency. "These current faculty members must be naxals," he said, "Are you keeping a close watch on them?" "Yes sir," said the police, wondering how long the inquisition would last. Dr S then went for a brisk walk around the campus, glaring at couples who were moving together without performing any significant academic activity.

Alas, the worm turned. Dr S was 75-years-old, too old to be a vice-chancellor or in other words a vice chasing chancellor. In a central university, the vice-chancellor must be less than 65 years old and can serve till 70 years old. Dr S to his great dismay, found he had missed the bus, the JNU bus. Who would now serve the nation? JNU would go further into rack and ruin. More rotten apples, jihadis, naxals, and other assorted rascals, would hatch conspiracies against his country and his party. "Oh woe is me!" he cried. "So much to be done, so much lost."

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So Dr S. prematurely retired from JNU. The nation mourned. But lo and behold, Dr S got another offer in the MHRD special branch, which sanitised all social science literature, cleansing it of jihadism, naxalism and other anti-national traits.

"Alas," Dr S said,"No arrests!"

 

Last updated: September 26, 2015 | 11:21
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