The Migratory PM

It is putting ornithologists into a tizzy. A new species of migratory bird has been discovered. One that makes 17 trips East, West and North in a year, but has never yet flown South, not even in its own backyard, thus out-flying the Arctic Tern, the bird with the longest arch. It flies in a small entourage of fixed companions: amongst them, most strangely observed in the recent past, a shadowy Myner with a shiny black coat.

Studies trickling in state that the new behaviour is an inbuilt escape mechanism to avoid harsh unstable weather conditions back home. These include water shortages, unseasonal hail and rain that are destroying local crop causing even farmers to commit suicide, subterranean rivers to rise inexplicably by merely digging for them four feet under (never mind the ignominy of belonging to an idiot civilisation that for 4000 years never thought to dig beneath the surface), and mighty Gangetic rivers that simply won’t clean themselves when you throw bundles of cash into them at the most sacred ends. In the meanwhile, toilets that were asked to steadily build themselves just like IITs and IIMs were expected to copulate and reproduce, have failed, thus leaving entire indigenous populations choosing to remain constipated. Films exploring remedies on the subject have become extremely popular, it is heard.

So rare is the dear bird in home country that the two square inches of road last cleared of green leaves by him is soon to be the site of a statue made of iron from every farmer’s hull. That farmers may not want to give up their hulls is a momentary hiccup being dealt with by taking their land. A corresponding deal has been struck with local scrap metal dealers. And this is the ultimate purpose and wonder of migration. Not only does it throw open a vibrant world of automated flushes in the East, and seat warmers in the West, but also allows for the exchange of notes to improve conditions back home. Last heard, a senior Eastern leader was overheard suggesting the purchase of aircraft machine guns.