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The unintended benefit of a guest appearance on TV

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Ravina Raj Kohli
Ravina Raj KohliSep 04, 2015 | 08:20

The unintended benefit of a guest appearance on TV

No, no. I don't mean the kind that make people comment on your "performance", recognise you at airports and like your views on Facebook. I mean the "aha" from society at large.

Ever since I first appeared on live television (after yonks) on August 26 (a persistent producer and persuasive anchor are a deadly combo), I have received 500 more random friend requests on Facebook and got 800 more followers on Twitter. My erstwhile friends and foes in the media have begun reacting to my posts. Those connected to Peter have not.

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But these are not advantages. These are consequences.

The real "ooh" factor has come in the form of bewildering party invitations. I have suddenly been elevated from sometimes being on the "Z" list that belongs to the common man onto a list that starts with a vowel. I even got a call from a government officer yesterday who spoke to me politely and treated me like a real person. Imagine that!

The media has its merits.

I know of people who are paid to air their views. I know that professional people need to be paid for their time. But professional status-seekers? To shape public opinion? A paid piper?

The "guest" budget in a news channel has become a valid entry in the accounting books. It gets more weightage than the wardrobe budget, which I think channels need more of. (Warning: Being well dressed and well groomed doesn't kill brain cells.)

The worst job in the newsroom is that of the guest coordinator. This person is the boss' favourite whipping minion whose job it is to bring in the "biggest" before anyone else. This eager caller gets a telephonic "thappad" more often a "Yes". The fact that "debates" on air often overlap each other, this is a real challenge. This is more a job for the anchor.

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"Ma'am, meri naukri chali jayegi agar aap nahin aayengi."

I spent an entire day explaining to these hapless souls that I was genuinely unwell, unable to please all for a few days and that I sincerely could not speak without spluttering. And by that fact, I was trying to save their GRPs from tanking. The famous Delhi word/illness "viral" was not something these sweet young souls seemed to understand.

It's quite another matter that I had exhausted all knowledge of Indrani or Peter "Mukerjiya" as some insist on calling him. And frankly, I was bored. All I cared about was the police investigation coming to a conclusive end and that justice was going to be done. However, five days later, back "on air" I was, duly persuaded, fever gone, Azithromycin in my veins. I found myself amidst some eminent people with a valid point of view.

Unfortunately, I had a horrid coughing fit and had to duck out of the show for a while. While guzzling on cough syrup, my mind went back to the random party calls. Damn. Would I slide down the alphabet to "the list" that starts with a consonant if I disappeared and went "off air" again?

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Quite possibly. And frankly, quite gladly.

I have absolutely no energy to waste in cohorting with the "types" in the "dally" whose feet are firmly on the social ladder. They throw you to the snakes as soon as your trophy value expires. I don't need their free food. Or their all-expenses paid destination birthday parties. And certainly not their lavish Diwali presents. I would rather they spent their excessive wealth philanthropically. No thanks. I won't join you for "deenaar" at your OTT home.

So, my dear news bosses: Cut the guest budget. You are being "had". Put deserving experts on your payrolls openly and exclusively. Create uniqueness. The ones who are really relevant will appear on your channel anyway. Even with "viral". Others will come just to be high-profile. For free.

I have seen bitter foes become party pals shortly after a coincidental appearance on India's leading debate show.

So what if they yelled together incessantly and no one could hear them.

Woh TV pe thhey na?

Last updated: September 10, 2015 | 15:38
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