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Of course, your mistake is your girlfriend’s fault!

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Shreyas Sharma
Shreyas SharmaMar 26, 2015 | 20:42

Of course, your mistake is your girlfriend’s fault!

My usually noisy next-door neighbour seems to be in some kind of mourning. Neither has he gone out of town, nor been the victim of a heinous crime, and yet, he has been unusually quiet.

Generally, he’s pretty loud and obnoxious. I’m told he’s one of the most successful professionals in his field and he earns a bucket-load of money, but I’ve always kept an arm’s distance from him. I look down upon his ilk - these nouveau riche Dilliwalas, I tell you!

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But there is such a thing as the neighbourly spirit: I do walk up to his door to enquire about his well-being every once in a while.

The usually smart young man is ashen-faced today, with a week’s stubble on his once-rosy cheeks. His voice wheezing out. I ask if he’s sick. He says he made a big mistake at work and cost his organisation some big business. Some competitor swooped in and took away what his organisation should’ve achieved.

I ask him if he got fired. He says no, his boss decided to give him another chance because of all the good things he had done in the past. So it was true, he WAS a successful guy, despite being brash and loud.

But something is bothering me. How does a successful guy make a mistake? The answer is obvious to my mind.

I ask him if he has a girlfriend.

He says, “Yes.”

“Is she pretty?”

“Yes, very.”

“Is she successful?”

“Yes. Why are you asking all this?”

“Because it’s obviously her fault!”

He looks at me incredulously. “What the f*ck are you talking about? She has nothing to do with the mistake I made. She isn’t even remotely related to my job.”

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“Was she there at the time?”

He hesitates. “Well, yes, she was in the same building, but nowhere near me.”

“Well, it’s her fault. You are a successful man. The only reason you made the mistake was because you were distracted. She is the distraction. It’s because of her that you didn’t perform to your true potential.”

He gives me a dirty look. “Is having a pretty, successful girlfriend such a cause of jealousy for petty people like you? Is it a crime to be in love? Get out of my house, you f**king as****e!”

I can’t understand why he chased me out. It was a perfectly reasonable explanation. After all, isn’t there an adage that says "behind every successful man, there’s a woman… waiting to trip him over"?

Things aren’t as simple as they seem. He can’t have just manufactured a mistake out of thin air. It is not human nature to err, we are perfect creations of god. That woman is bad news; because of her, this amazing fellow has gone into a rut.

I must immediately tweet about this. Oh did I forget to mention I’m a big time Twitter user? I am.

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My neighbour’s name is Virat. He made a mistake that cost his organisation a big prize. It’s all his girlfriend Anushka’s fault.

Last updated: August 20, 2022 | 13:56
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