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Can a woman grow old without ageing?

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Jyotsna Mohan Bhargava
Jyotsna Mohan BhargavaFeb 24, 2017 | 16:04

Can a woman grow old without ageing?

They were an anomaly, a couple of white curly ringlets in a mass of black that were insisting on standing out, as though to remind me I may shirk my own glance but the mirror never lies.

40s is the new 30s, I hear that often enough perhaps more from people trying to console themselves (and me), but what is inevitable isn’t always easily palatable. So, to say it bluntly and perhaps out loud is a bit more convincing even if the only person I need to persuade is me - I have now slipped into comfortable middle age.

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I remember as a teenager often criticising my mother and telling her she was "uncool" for wearing a nose pin and our reasons may be different (my inspiration was Joan Osborne with the flowing locks and a nose-ring singing the ultimate college anthem One of us), but today her old pin is mine.

I can be profound or mundane, depends on how you see the glass and talk about how my experiences have made me, else I can take the easier route and quote Meryl Streep, no not from her recent Golden Globes speech but instead the one on ageing, hard to distinguish since all her speeches go viral anyway.

While not-so-young women furiously forwarded me that post each insisting it was their new mantra, they missed the fine print. It turned out Streep may have actually quoted someone else, in fact ironically a man from Portugal but social media loves nothing better than hearing a celebrity mouth quotes they should have said but thought too silly to speak in public.

"I have no patience for anyone who doesn't deserve my patience," packs a punch but is hard to hold on to when there is still no money in the ATMs.

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As a mother and a wife, sometimes it is easy to get lost and as you grow older the "I" becomes the biggest casualty (perhaps the white hair has been sticking out for a while, I just haven't noticed). "Space" is unfortunately always taken negatively in our society but everyone needs time out, whether it's from a hard day at work or a bad day in the kitchen.

Once in a while it's even okay to go watch a movie by yourself. The confidence of being by oneself comes only with age, it doesn't make us lonely or weird. The best thing we can do for ourselves is to go with the flow.

Nor is everything black or white anymore. In those carefree young days, every second friend would stomp about saying if she ever found her man cheating she would walk out without a second glance.

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Meryl Streep (Photo: Reuters)

Now many of the same, some sadly experienced speak in restrained voices, families teach us that grey (not quite the 50 shades variety!) is the most recurring tone and the only colour that matters.

On the flip side, we are our peers, "that uncle" may actually be the guy we had a secret crush on through the school years and the biggest mid-life crisis seems to be everyone around us pounding the pavements trying to run a marathon.

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"Fast metabolism" is no longer a phrase in our dictionary and although once in a while we get carried away and try rewinding the clock, the body always keeps with its time. Some mornings even the aspirin isn’t enough but the calcium doses keep on increasing!

If it's the weekday there is no escaping the school run, the last time I tried to be adventurous, my kids in the backseat were busy discussing how "mama is driving strangely today"!

A few months ago, I paid a visit to a dermatologist who dismissed my medical question without a glance and instead pounced on me as though she had found the model client.

"You need a botox, here, here and there," she jabbed all across my face. She also ominously made me sound like I would look nothing less than a Dalmation with all my spots in the coming years, but ageing gracefully also needs you to be zen especially while staring at a laser-toting doctor. I may need my vitamin D just as most Indians but some of those wrinkles are hard-earned.

So, as I grow another year older, I realise sometimes it is fine to outgrow people, old memories need not always be dusted; a few have a limited shelf life. In my own version of the Sunscreen song, some of those closest to you will always find you no matter what, just as surely as you will break away from a few who have the biggest screengrab in your childhood birthday snaps.

Sleepless nights now have the right meaning, insomnia. Camomile tea, jasmine tea, the more exotic the names, the less the impact. Nor do we beat coffee in a mug late at night any longer, that gossip session can wait till tomorrow or next week.

Growing up and I am not talking about those teenage years of mandatory angst, is tricky, it's a balance. But sometimes even frivolous questions need answers. I enjoy wearing a sari now more than ever but can I still wear a pair of shorts in the Delhi heat when I am 50, is it age-appropriate even if increasingly vanity plays second fiddle to comfort?

I have not yet succumbed to a pair of fit-flops, palming them off as something worn by my mother’s generation even though several of my high-heeled shoes lie tucked away in the cupboards. My mantra, age with dignity but without losing that mojo!

I recently overheard a lady talking about turning 70. She woke up at midnight to click a selfie and after staring at her picture realised nothing much had changed. Much changes over the years yet nothing really does.

Many days I don’t feel very different from that girl running down the school slopes. But today the bicycles and the racquets strewn in my house are a reflection of the passage of time, they aren’t mine.

So, I become my mother and wear the same staid pearl earrings that I looked down upon decades ago and attend parent-teacher meetings. One thing I have learnt, not embarrassing your child in school makes sense. This is their time.

George Michael was our time, yoga and early morning walks have found us replacing partying till sunrise and desserts never tasted better. The thing though about ageing whether single or married is that now more than ever, we have nothing to prove to anyone, except ourselves.

I like who I am but hopefully I will grow to like what I become even more, whether with a mass of white strands or cheating my way back to black. In a world of free advice a minute, nothing today makes more sense to me than this, "sing like no one is listening and dance like no is watching". I intend to.

Last updated: July 22, 2018 | 18:25
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