Everything you wanted to know about Indian uncle and aunty
Both the uncle and the aunty had an Indian moment this week.
First, two Air India pilots got into a scuffle because one of them - the senior but younger one - called the other "uncle" when giving instructions in the cockpit. The co-pilot took strong objection, resulting in the fight.
A few days later, it was uncle's other half, aunty, who was the subject of attention. When the Shiv Sena took exception to Shobhaa De's tweets on Marathi snacks instead of popcorn in cinema halls while she protested against their call for compulsory screening of Marathi films in theatres, the party responded by taking a morcha to her residence equipped with baskets of vada pav and misal for "Shobhaa aunty".
In both instances, uncle and aunty were not meant as a compliment or, as they would mean in original usage, in reverence for an older relative - the mother or brother of a parent. Both in the case of the AI pilot and dear De, the terms had negative connotations.
Perhaps nowhere in the world do the terms uncle and aunty have so many meanings and connotations as in India.
In its traditional usage, uncle and aunty are terms used for relatives by blood or marriage in western English speaking societies - a parent's brother or sister or their spouse.
In modern day India, the terms initially began to be used in many families interchangeably with bua or masi or tai and tau, the Hindi equivalents for maternal and paternal aunts and uncles. Though the Indian terms are far more specific - tai for wife of the father's brother or tau, for example, and mami for wife of the mother's brother or mama - and precise in instantly identifying the relation, as opposed to the less nuanced uncle and aunty. While someone not familiar with Indian languages would be confused by the sizeable lexicon that defines family ties, for Indians, who are taught the words from childhood while respectfully addressing an older relative (usually), it comes naturally.
Like we do with food, we managed to indianise the terms' usage, making it unique to us. As Indians continue to move out of traditional societies, where every elder in the village is addressed as Chacha or Tau and Chachi or Tai, they carry the tradition of respect for elders into their modern workplaces and societies - with children using the more modern uncle and aunty for all the people who are of their parents' age - who were colleagues or friends of their parents, or somehow in the parents' extended social circle, as a mark of respect.
This has confused people, as when someone says "my aunt", one does not know if they are related by blood (as one would be in western societies) or just someone close to the family.
In addition, somewhere along the line, as global trends and Indian attitudes merged online to create their own sub-contexts, aunty - the poor woman - began to be sexualised online as well. Along with the bhabhi, the wife of a brother, the aunty is now a fixture in porn catering to Indians. As bhabhi, while being related as wife of a brother, is not a blood relation, we can only guess that the aunt in this context is also not a blood relative, like a bua or a masi, but only related by marriage or, as per Indian usage, an older woman known to the family. This modern digital avatar of the aunty and bhabhi also perhaps logically has its roots in tradition, where folksongs in many cultures make sexual innuendoes pertaining to the brother's wife.
The aunty's sexualisation also has led to demeaning, age shaming, and sexuality shaming insinuations in today's context - as in the case of De, who could not have been called aunty respectfully by the Shiv Sena, given that they were leading a protest against her. Given the context, it was derogatory usage, meant to humiliate.
The Air India pilot's use of "uncle" for his co pilot when giving an instruction to him, similarly, was not a term of respect either, given the fight that ensued after which both have been suspended pending an internal investigation. Adding "uncle" while giving professional instructions is unnecessary and inexplicable, a means of putting the junior pilot in his place, and communicating to him that though he was older, the other guy was the boss. Again, the term signifies intent to humiliate.
But even when the term is not intended as derogatory - say a young child at a restaurant or school coming up and addressing an older woman or man as aunty or uncle - many people express their aversion to its usage by younger strangers or acquaintances who are not related to them. One reason could be that what was seen as respect for elders in earlier cultures is seen as ageist in a modern society and lifestyle that is eternally "youth obsessed". The other reason could just be an aversion to familiarity and a guarding of space - aunty or uncle signify closeness of ties which does not exist.
However, and this again goes to prove the amazing versatility of the terms, uncle and aunty in their modern use are not always derogatory. Friends of a certain age can affectionately use the terms for each other - "aye aunty" or "oye uncle" - as a way of bonding over common advancing age. This is jocular and affectionate and insidious, a nod to old friendships and a shared experience of the ageing process, and used in the company of friends and not abusive or humiliating in its usage.
And therein lies the brief but complicated history of the indianised uncle and aunty, forever changing, versatile in usage, and, as with most things, slightly more tilted against the aunty as a tool of sexism and public humiliation.