World Mental Health Day: Why single stories lead to stigma and stereotyping
Shelja Sen's upcoming book, Reclaim Your Life: Going Beyond Silence, Shame and Stigma in Mental Health, published by Westland, talks about mental health and its impact on a person’s well-being. As a therapist, Shelja Sen has witnessed many lives wrecked by depression — patients locked in the soul-destroying prison of their dementors, cutting themselves, overdosing, suicidal, with a dwindling will to live. This book is meant for anyone struggling with their dark, dreary winter. It is also for their carers who witness their pain, and for their counselors who are looking for a creative approach to therapy. This book is for every person who wants to carve a meaningful journey of life.
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Language is the thread from which stories are weaved. It is so easy to pigeonhole people with labels like "loser", "failure", "whore", "druggie", "retard", without going into layers and nuances of the other stories. Therefore, the biggest damage you can do to a person is to give them a single story. The problem with a single story is that it is internalised and becomes the dominant or definitive narrative of the person and it is perpetuated till the time it becomes the only identity of that person.
Single stories lead to stigma and stereotyping.
The reason single stories get perpetuated is because they are so convenient. Anybody who does not fit into the culturally sanctioned boxes is rejected and labelled with a single story. Author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, in her TED talk, talks about the "Danger of a single story" and the deep relationship between power and stories:
"The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story. The consequence of the single story is this: It robs people of dignity."
Disgracefull
In each society, there are certain people and their stories that are valued more than the others. The stories that become influential are dependent on where you are placed in the social hierarchy and how privileged you are. Therefore, our stories and core identities are built in the landscape of the socio-cultural-political context. There exists a blueprint that decides the value of each one of us.
Disability, intellect, sexuality, gender, race/religion, age, culture, education, finances, useful contacts (I was told recently, "you are nothing without your contacts"), so yes, useful contacts, looks and, finally, language. Together, it is — DISGRACEFULL!
This acronym defines the dominant discourse, like a present-day caste system, which decides where we fit in the social power hierarchy.
Take, for example, an English-speaking, "fair and lovely", heterosexual boy from a privileged background on the one side and a young girl with disability from a low-income family on the other. Who has higher chances of getting more opportunities and who will struggle with single stories, rejections and invisibility?
Children are most vulnerable to DISGRACEFULL practices. Rukmini could not find words to share her abuse, as she herself felt so confused about it and, on top of that, there was that question, "Will people believe me or blame me for it?"
Remember, the problem is not out there and somebody else is to blame for it. We are all part of this. We all do not want to say anything.
DISGRACEFULL is like a huge beast and we are its teeth and claws, damaging our own species, generation after generation. Women, children, the elderly, people who are gay or transgendered, or who have a disability, or are of a different race, religion, culture, or are from lower socio-economic strata, or do not have socially desired education, or the face or body according to socially prescribed ideas of good looks are more vulnerable to becoming invisible or get their voices silenced. DISGRACEFULL starts defining who we are, how we are seen and what our value is in this world.
Stories are our currency in life
People’s lives are shaped by their personal narratives. Therefore, in our journey, our biggest endeavour needs to be on how we can reclaim and re-author our stories. Parents need to be more mindful of the stories they are building for their children. A teacher’s most significant calling is how she can help generate richer stories for the children in her class.
The way we talk to our children become their inner voices and the way we talk about them become their life stories.
A therapist’s core work needs to be about staying away from single stories and excavating and facilitating richer narratives for their clients. In fact, the lifelong endeavour of every human needs to be about rejecting the convenience of a single story and looking for richer stories in ourselves and each person we meet. Because the stories we tell about ourselves and others not only describe us, but also shapes our lives.
So, how do we do that? I have a simple mantra for that — Be mindful of DISGRACEFULL and single stories and owning our stories of shame and silence, and instead find an audience and connect to our hopes, values and preferred identities and grow our tribe. I will focus on the initial four and leave the last one for Lightpost 6 (Enduring Adversity and Finding Our North Star).
Be mindful of DISGRACEFULL and Single Stories
We have to be mindful of the DISGRACEFULL beast as, remember, it very stealthily works through each one of us.
In any society, DISGRACEFULL dictates the "givens", the "taken for granted" and "commonsense" discourses that become the dominant narrative. They become the culturally sanctioned way of living and we need to watch out for them, as they all come from a position of power and privilege and tend to be oppressive. These dominant discourses could be about anything — what is a "good girl", how we should dress, where we should live, what schools we need to send our children to, what are "good colleges", what does "success" mean. Trisha once told me that it was so liberating to get rid of the "good girl" role she had played for most of her life and take on the "badass bitch" and "kickass Trish" role.
That is the power of language!
I love the way young people are challenging the single stories that the previous generations threw at them. They are using various art forms like poetry, theatre, movies, dance, art to question them. An 18-year-old girl who had been articulate about her views on sexuality shared with me, "I am a thinker, a writer, a sportsperson, a dancer, a poet but the only label I get is of a slut. And why? Just because I talk about sex openly. Anyway, if the only two options are being a good girl or a slut, I choose slut!"
Michael Foucault, a post-modernist and a French historian of systems of thought, called the effect of this automatic indoctrination that we go through as the "Gaze". Gaze is the constant scrutiny and surveillance that we put ourselves under by comparing and evaluating ourselves against others. For example, whenever we worry about what other people will think, the Gaze is at work.
The whole system of societal norms operates due to this Gaze that keeps us in check. If you talk to anybody with depression, they will tell you how they are constantly comparing themselves to other people and carrying a sense of worthlessness and self-hatred.
DISGRACEFULL feeds our reactive brain and strengthens the Radio of Shame and Stigma.
Look at any story of shame, worthlessness or "not good enough" and you will see how DIGRACEFULL is at work.
To reclaim our stories, we have to stand up to the single story that DISGRACEFULL gives us and find language for the ones forgotten, tucked away, rejected as not being good enough and own them.