So Deepika Padukone and Ranveer Singh are getting married today. And guess what? We are not invited. Although, we will get a blow by blow account of the phenomenon, thanks to social media.
Thanks to that one tech-savvy aunty who will do an Insta story of the pheras, or that cousin who will share a boomerang of a kiss Ranveer stole. How cute! We will lap it up, scrutinising it down to every minute detail, and then turn around and ask, “What is this madness?”
This statement, accompanied with the shrugging of shoulders and an air about one’s self, has become a national hobby, as it were. To crib about how one’s Insta feed is clogged with DeepVeer news has become fashionable, almost necessary to fit in. For obsession is not cool, FOMO is passé, and our new dope is cribbing.
And, if we were to admit that we actually find this frivolity enjoyable, we’d probably lose our seat at the table.
We will opine about how we have better things to opine about when someone mentions the possibility of Ranveer sporting a lehenga. This, instead of actually steering the conversation towards that ‘better’ thing, or better still, just keeping quiet.
Will Deepika wear a Sabyasachi ensemble? If yes, one has to compare it to Anushka Sharma’s, because, duh! Will Laal Ishq play when the customary vermillion is applied, or will the naughty bride turn around and ask, “Ek chutki sindoor ki keemat tum kya jaano Ranveer babu?” Oh, we must know all this, and more. And we must, also, not stop cribbing.
The funny thing is, anybody who’s used the mighty Internet long enough, knows that our every social media feed is tailor-made according to our browsing patterns. Since I love watching dog videos, I am suggested more dog videos. Since I love the ‘madness’ of celebrity shaadis, I am suggested the same.
What does that say about our national hobby of the moment then?
To say that the Deep-Veer wedding extravaganza is a PR exercise, combining these two mega brands into one, is like stating the sun rises in the east. Of course, it is.
It’s not a coincidence that Deepika happened to be the first guest on Koffee With Karan, openly admitting that she is getting married, just a day before the official announcement came on Instagram, as is the norm.
It is also not a coincidence that the two only started commenting on each other’s Instagram posts this last year, even though they have apparently been dating for the last six years. Their words, not mine.
There was a proper build-up to the mega event with months of strategising and several teams brainstorming to get it right. Like ‘Katappa ne Baahubali ko kyu mara’ was a build-up to Baahubali 2. We knew it, we enjoyed it, so why complain now?
Still, if being bombarded with all things weddingy is particularly annoying, let’s just tap ourselves out of the game. Let’s click ‘unfollow’ and intimate Google’s AI to stop suggesting us such stories. Let’s do something, anything, anything but partake in the very drama that we so despise.
But then, if we at all wanted to take such drastic steps, we'd take them after the Anushka Sharma-Virat Kohli wedding gave us sleepless nights. Or when the Sonam Kapoor-Anand Ahuja wedding left us exhausted.
I, for one, love the whole mere star ki shaadi hai feels. Britain has had just one national wedding in the last year, and we’re on our third. I’d call that a win.
goes back to refreshing Insta feed in the hope of finding new inside pics from Lake Como