Why on Lake Como would you do that to us? Why?
It’s not every day that a wedding like Deepika Padukone’s and Ranveer Singh’s happen. It takes years of dating (six, not five, as Dippy clarified on Koffee With Karan), months of planning (to make sure the wedding doesn’t clash with another big Bollywood release, either. The last big release was Thugs Of Hindostan. Unless, otherwise intended, ahem, Veere Di Wedding), over a year of slowly conditioning us with mushy Instagram comment-exchanges, and endless primetime space.
Add to that midnight oil-burning speculations about what the couple is going to wear on their big day. Because it’s the kind of conversation one can have only about these two.
And then, the couple released the first pictures from their wedding and what do we see? A jagrata-inspired colour-coordinated red ensemble, with a dupatta on Deepika that reads: Sadaa saubhagyavati bhav!
I am heartbroken. I am appalled.
Heck, we’ve written op-eds about the possibility of Ranveer in a lehenga, not because we had little or no information about the actual wedding (that, too) but because who else would dare to don a lehenga on his wedding day? To question convention? To blur the lines between ‘manly’ and ‘effeminate’?
Vogue even teased us by giving us an androgynously dressed Ranveer on their latest cover — complete with smoky eyes, sequin, shimmer, et all, just before the wedding.
With all the might of Manyavar behind Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma — can you imagine what it could have done to the brand if they had only managed to convince the couple to cross-dress? — Virushka stuck to traditional wear. Beautiful. Awwdorable, even. But then, that’s them.
Even Sonam Kapoor and Anand Ahuja pushed the envelope a little bit when Anand brought his sneaker-game with his sherwani.
Deepika and Ranveer had the potential to go so far beyond. But they chose to stick to Padmaavat costumes, only Ranveer came as Shahid Kapoor instead.
Why on Lake Como would you do that to us, DeepVeer? Why?
This is the man who came dressed as a human condom without a care in the world! And this is the woman who walked the red carpet at Cannes looking like a flamingo! What happened this time, guys? Was the burden of traditions as heavy as Dippy’s earrings?
All’s not lost yet, though. You have to hit it out of the park at your Mumbai reception. I’d like to see Deepika look suave in a tux, with sleek-back hair. And Ranveer, it’s time to invoke your inner Bajirao and bring that skirt back.
You had your privacy and photo-less shaadi. We only revolved around you on a boat, but w promise we didn’t manage to capture one single convincing shot. This time give us what we want. Like Saifeena gave us our national obsession, Taimur and Virushka gave us Tuscany, it’s time you gave us closure so we sleep peacefully at night.