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The fault is in the cable connection?

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Ravina Raj Kohli
Ravina Raj KohliSep 11, 2015 | 09:17

The fault is in the cable connection?

I am listening to Doordarshan. I can't see it because the TV is in the kitchen and I don't have a cable or DTH connection yet.

I am an old Airtel mobile and landline customer. Airtel has told me very clearly today that my lifestyle of sporadic "to and from" Goa would not suit their sales and marketing plans. If I don't use my connection for three months, they will retrieve everything I have paid for as a punishment. Dish and all.

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Called Tata Sky from a different mobile to the one from my Star days. Me, the once VVIP customer was greeted with the option of calling one of three numbers to try and get service. No joy. Forget VVI, am not even feeling like a P after that call.

Called the local cable operator. Someone called Guru Cable. He was too busy he said. I said please, please come now. He said "Achcha chal wokay - in half hours." That was 26 hours ago. No show.

So I am listening to the TV my domestic staff has in the kitchen. I don't want to sit there because they feel compelled to stand when I join them and I end up ruining their DD experience. How can I? This is their initiation to the national broadcaster. They've been watching cable for years and don't even know that Doordarshan is referred to as DD. But that's trivial pursuit. What matters is, I am going to get mega feedback from two grown men who are desperate for private cable to miraculously appear on their screen.

My ear tells me that DD is targeted at no one in particular. I am not sure what has changed since September 11, 2001, when Channel Nine was yanked off the air. But I can't give way that story. You'll have to read the book, if it ever gets finished!

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So what has changed in television in the last 14 years? Nyooj has boomed. Many different languages have launched a zillion channels. Then why do I feel I can't differentiate one from the other? Irrespective of language? Except DD of course?

In some strange way, DD has its heart in the right place. It shows you what the politicians did today without judgement. It tells us of news events without opinion. It airs soppy soaps for the "mahilas" which look like re-runs from Zee, twice over. At least I can hear the dialogue and not just Rajinikanth-like sounds to overwhelm my imagination as I listen. I assume the actors are acting instead of only relying on the sound effects. Since there is more "old school" background score rather than jitter effects of camera to stress the point, performed to "dhishkiyaon dhishkiyaon dhishkiyaon" type of sound, I assume the producer is making less money because he has more to shoot. Unless he is using repeated flash cuts to emphasise shock and sorrow, both of which are in plenty in a soap. It's cheaper to produce shock and sorrow, I guess. The editor does all the work. All the actors have to do is stare and make an appropriate face.

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"And the best actor in a leading flash edit is….!" Clap clap. Do they really win awards for acting on TV? I guess some of them must be genuinely good performers to genuinely good scripts who make the cut. Bravo.

Oh and of course, there are the "international format shows". Hugely overpriced and hugely underperforming. Despite the huge PR and marketing budgets that make the media therefore suggest to the trade and the audience that "yeh to hit hai".

The media planner is lurking around the corner, waiting to strike. No ratings means no sponsorship means no continue show.

Producer bechaara. Between the whims of immature programmers on private channels and the few "massive potential but I am getting squeezed" slots on DD, he is a nervous wreck.

Only the on-air talent is laughing all the way to the bank. The audience is truly depressed.

More on this when my TV connection comes. Right now it's all a dirge. I am assuming a woman is suffering on air. Even on DD.

Last updated: September 11, 2015 | 09:17
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