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10 best Hollywood lessons from Golden Globes

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Kaveree Bamzai
Kaveree BamzaiJan 11, 2016 | 19:54

10 best Hollywood lessons from Golden Globes

1. That Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are our Kajol-Shah Rukh Khan and Deepika Padukone-Ranbir Kapoor.

titanic_3065092b_011116073647.jpg
 

Ever since we first met them in Titanic, our hearts have been going on and on for them.

Even when they reunited in Revolutionary Road, in then Winslet husband (keep up folks!) Sam Mendes's Revolutionary Road, they were a mature, even if depressed, couple who made us yearn for what could have been if DiCaprio didn't have a fetish for dating only Victoria's Secret models under 25. Which also explains his reaction to Lady Gaga brushing past him - yes Leo, you should be wary of powerful women who suck blood!

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2. That if you stay around long enough and take enough hits, everyone will love you and give you a standing ovation. 

 

Yes, that's Sylvester Stallone. Winning Best Supporting Actor for Creed was more than adequate recompense for all the knocks he has taken as his imaginary friend Rocky Balboa.

3. That Oscar Isaac is the coolest new star you haven't heard of.

The Guatemalan hearthrobe-in-the-making first overwhelmed us with his accomplished performance as a singer in Inside Llewelyn Davis. Now he is everywhere. Here he is playing a young businessman trying to do the right thing in A Most Violent Year. Here he is a mad scientist dancing in Ex Machina. There he is fighting stormtroopers on Star Wars: The Force Awakens. And, here he is the winner for Best Actor in a mini series of TV movie for Show Me a Hero. Is this what's called having an Oscar moment?

4. If you suffer enough, Oscar will take notice.

Leonardo DiCaprio has come so close to winning Best Actor so many times before.

 

If the message of Wolf of Wall Street wasn't so dark (that greed can be good eventually, or at least land you a job as a motivational speaker) and it didn't look as if he was having so much fun actually imbibing all the drugs his character was supposedly taking, he would have won for his electric performance.

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In any case, The Revenant, where he's suffered for his art, should do the trick, especially now that he has a Golden Globe for Best Actor, Drama, under his belt. As the director of The Revenant Alejandro Inarritu noted, pain is temporary, but a film is forever. So, who cares?

5. If you can drink, sing and take off your Spanx in one scene, you're in with a chance with the Golden Globes.

That's Maura Tierney. Her thoroughly raw performance as the cuckolded wife of Dominic West in The Affair is searing in its honesty.

 

The mother of four has several bring-down-the-house scenes in The Affair, but the one where she sings to Lucinda Williams' Changed the Locks is just perfect (others that are close - her telling her mother what she really thinks of her and her meltdown after being caught with a marijuana vaporiser).

6. That Hollywood is always looking for a younger version of whatever works.

 

Welcome Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence or J-Law and A-Schu as they called themselves. They are the new Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and we can't wait to see what they collaborate on. Hey, no pressure.

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7. That Mira Nair knew something before Hollywood did. 

She cast him in Mississippi Masala as Demetrius, the carpet cleaner, and he is now Denzel, one of the greatest actors in Hollywood and therefore known by merely his first name. So what if he can't read without his glasses?

8. That Hollywood loves the British accent.

Especially, if they are insulting (cue Ricky Gervais) and if they are deployed in period pieces (cue the win for Wolf Hall in Best TV movie and mini series category). 

9. Hollywood loves breakout stars even more.

 

Brie Larson came in from virtually nowhere to win as Best Actress for drama for Room. Is there any doubt that she will win the Oscar? Anyone remember the shock when Marisa Tomei won Best Supporting Actress for My Cousin Vinny? Well she's still around, hitting it out of the park.

10. That in the Hollywood pecking order of creeps and lowlifes, even Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen and Ben Affleck rate higher than the once revered Bill Cosby.

 

You can say anything about Gibson, Sheen and Affleck and get away with it. Gibson and his penchant for conspiracy theories, Sheen and his very dangerous love for unprotected sex and its purveyors, and Affleck for his serial disloyalty. Gervais didn't spare anyone.

Last updated: January 11, 2016 | 20:01
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