Why every girl needs a BFF

'Friend-fluence' is not to be underestimated.

 |  PARIS DIARY  |  5-minute read |   29-04-2017
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Have you got a BFF? The same one you’ve always had? Do you have many? Do you rotate them around? Have you made a new one recently? I’m in desperate need of one. Although I probably have no time for one, I still want a girlfriend. And I want her now.

A girl best friend. In fact, she doesn’t even have to be a girl, s/he just needs to be that person who can curl up with me under that metaphorical razai and make it all better — or at least commiserate and curse wholeheartedly at the hard luck we are having. That person who brings humongous joy into my life just by being. The one with whom I share the most uncomplicated, heart bursting kind of love. Who my soul is so attracted to but my body never wants to sleep with. Who understands everything about my week by just glancing at my face.

Who can hear and complete my thoughts without the exchange of a single spoken word. Who knows how dark I can be and still believe in my lightness. Who judges me openly and mercilessly yet never stops loving me. The one who will listen to the same story for the fourth time with rapt interest because she gets my need to relive it. Who knows what I mean when I myself am not sure. Who will pick up the phone and whisper: “Are you ok? I can’t talk, I’m arguing with my boss about the promotion you told me I deserve”. Who I’ll never be bored around.

I used to have one — nay — I used to have a gang of them. Then I got married, they got married, had babies, moved cities, priorities changed and now I have a hundred million friends all over the world who are super fly to hang with but they are not it. I didn’t realise there was a big hole in my heart till I saw two friends animatedly arguing in the corner of a party. As they soundlessly yelled at each other in this public place, even from a distance the unconditional comfort they felt was palpable.

Suddenly, amidst a crowd of laughing friends, holding my husband’s warm, loving hand, I yearned for a girlfriend of my own. It was like being single again and finding myself already at that point when I’m done with being single except I only just found out I was. It was so overwhelming. All I needed was that gender unspecified girl who would get what I was going through to get through it.

bff_042917013805.jpgPhoto: Mail Today

I’ve shed friends along the way to make more space for things I want to do and they don’t. Sometimes, you outgrow people organically and they drift away. Other times, you just can’t tolerate their intolerance or their parochial worldview or their unchanging dress sense or their obsession with running and you call your service provider to block their numbers forever and ever.

Then one day all you are left with is a full social calendar and no one who is going to enhance that experience. I want to be surrounded by enhancers. Of course, I have my husband, my daughter, my work but I need more. I want to roll on the floor with laughter because… because… well, with that friend you don’t need a ‘because’ — you just laugh. I want to grow old with this kind of hilarity, encased in mirth.

As I see my friends’ parents and my parents’ friends — it’s not their partners or families that have the power to shake off their blues, it’s only their girlfriends who have that power. That says something about how and whom we choose to live our lives with. When I am a crankity old lady (and believe me I will be as irritable as they come), I imagine myself sitting on my beach veranda, in a rocking chair sipping my Campari cocktail, looking out at the ocean and complaining and giggling with my friends about our gout.

Friend-fluence (as author Clarin Flora calls it) is not to be underestimated. They can change a dire situation into a happy one. They can hold up a mirror for you in a way that makes you want to look and fix yourself. With their encouragement and company, you end up doing things you wouldn’t dream of — like colouring your hair red, or finally writing that book, or getting that divorce.

Families can keep you grounded and be your reality check while friends can be the wind beneath your wings and make you fly. They cut you to size only to big you up. They can’t save you from bullies or bad boyfriends and worse decisions but they can hold your hand through it and often that’s enough. So I’m making time and recovering all those lost girlfriends. In case I don’t find them I’m open to recruiting new ones.

I want my gang of BFFs back and this time it’s going to be bigger than ever. I’m looking for someone who never fatigues, loves to dance, inspires me, will lift me to a higher plane and be willing to be lifted in return, doesn’t talk when I want to be silent, is passionate about the same movies (or at least makes a strong case of why they must be dissed), makes me love things I was convinced I would hate, introduces me to cool new everything and is enthusiastic about growing old with me on that beach.

If you have three or more of these qualities please apply on an urgent basis.

(Courtesy: Mail Today)

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Koel Purie Rinchet Koel Purie Rinchet @koelscouch

Professional Attention Seeker. Currently loves and writes in Paris.

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