I was body-shamed as a child. Here's what parents can do
Everything is everybody's business in our society. If you lose weight or gain some, expect to be asked questions. If you get an unseemly zit on your face, expect to be given unwanted suggestions. And of course there is the why-are-you-still-single brigade too.
As adults, we usually get better at dealing with such situations. Unfortunately, some people have trouble coping with the negativity and end up fracturing their mental health because they get anxious or depressed.
Let's talk about the first category: the why-aren't-you-my-ideal-weight-and-shape-and-size group. They are the body-shamers who don't think twice about making terrible comments about the way you look — how fat or how thin you are. Sometimes they pick on a particular body part such as your generously-proportioned behind or your love handles. It doesn't matter if you tell them that you are happy with yourself because they don't like the thought of anybody being satisfied with their appearance.
Flashback to my school days when I was an overweight girl trying to survive in the world of puberty, boys, crushes, first kisses etc: I suffered from a negative body image complex.
In other words, my thoughts and actions were affected by all the fat shaming and my own growing insecurity about being fat and thus, undesirable.
I remember spending years trying not to eat in front of my classmates or the boys I had crushes on because they would think it was gross for such a huge person to eat. I also remember being told a hundred times that I would be lovable and dateable if I lost weight because, oh, I was pretty!
Coming back to now: I wrote and published an entire book about this topic because I realised I was a 20-something and still a victim of negative body image. I call myself a victim because with society's ideals and body shaming, I grew up into a young woman who equated being attractive to being a certain weight and size.
Oh yes, girls are supposed to be small: much more than than boys. I speak honestly about this now, when I am over 30, because I don't want anybody else to grow up feeling the same way.
I wish my school had a psychologist like most schools abroad do to identify and help me with my childhood problems. I wish children would be nicer to each other. I also wish that we could embrace our bodies for their uniqueness. Parents and teachers must step in, please!
I am teary-eyed as I write this because a positive body image is incredibly important and I didn't realise that till much later.
Here are a few suggestions on how to deal with and prevent body image issues children may grow up with:
- If you see a child avoiding meals at home or eating very little, she may be doing this to stop herself from gaining weight. She may develop an eating disorder and that can include throwing up food or binge-eating after starving herself for a while.
- Kids pick up habits from their parents, so encourage eating healthy and filling meals, not calorie counting or unhealthy food.
- If she keeps on body shaming herself, talk to her about all the great things she can do with her body and focus on the parts she likes.
- Depression can occur at any age, so look out for signs like hiding from people, sleeping a lot more than usual or not sleeping at all.
- Make sure she is getting exercise in some form, be it dance, yoga or basketball. Never say these are ways to be slim: they are ways to stay fit and healthy.
- Comparison is unavoidable; especially with social media taking up so much of our time. If you see her doing too much of it, or if she reaches out to you about her insecurities, she may need help.
- It's 2017. Visiting a mental health professional's office isn't equated to being crazy anymore. If you sense trouble from the way a child around you perceives her body, you can help.
A negative body image can have long term effects as many like me can tell you from experience, so why not nip it in the bud?