My response to the Kerala girl whose letter to CM on rape and murder has gone viral

Dear Ananthara,

It was painful to read your letter. I am sure the authorities will understand your concerns and take necessary steps to allow you and lakhs of other girls like you to live without fear.

I am pained in more ways than one. I too have a daughter, older than you are, but definitely "vulnerable". But that's not just my concern. Looking at my home state in Kerala from 1,500 km away in Mumbai, I feel sad and embarrassed that so many such events are being reported. With every incident, the gruesomeness only seems to be growing.

But hold on. This is not just the time to lament. The very fact that there are several cases coming to light shows so many are being reported to the police, reported by the media, cases filed against the culprits and scrutinised by the public.

In Kerala's context, I will be even more worried if no cases are reported. That would mean someone is deliberately trying to snuffle voices, or someone is unwilling to report a sexual assault for fearing a "loss of reputation". Because such is our track record.

Your father's generation, my generation would know the Suryanelli case where a young girl was exploited by so many, including some so-called prominent leaders of the society. The so-called dowry deaths were so common in the 80s... every day, there is a stove or cylinder bursting, charring a young woman to death. But it's not your state alone.

The Delhi gangrape case, now referred to as the Nirbhaya case, happened a year before our own Jisha was murdered in a similar way. Yes dear, rape and murder vie for media attention due to their ghastly nature... it's not just murder, it's devastation, desecration, demeaning... as if someone is taking revenge for some horrendous crime.

What is that crime? Resisting rape? Resisting advances? Walked home alone? Went to school? Been born a woman? Why were two sisters hanged from a tree in UP? Poor girls, they had gone to answer nature's call out in the open. Even they weren't spared. They were so poor even for a decent burial, and the angry Yamuna almost dug out their remains days after they were killed!

Dear girl, your concerns are genuine, but believe me, the solutions for this will be in you, as well as us, the common men and women on the street, who have to move freely for studying, working, earning our daily bread, unlike those privileged to go around with escort vehicles. Yes, we are the solution, and the most we can expect from any government is added support.

So, how do we become part of the solution?

1) Give up fear. It's not easy, but the more fearful we are, the more vulnerable we become. Step out, breathe easy, be yourself. Be it to school, to tuition centre, to a friend's place, to the mall... Go! And go confidently. This is your life and you can't let someone cow you down.

2) When your parents look for the next rape story, tell them you had enough of it. Tell them you care a damn if the rapist is a Pulsar humbug or a Splendor idiot (You would remember that main accused in the abduction and molestation of an actor in Kochi recently is one "Pulsar" Suni). You care less for all the media hype for these vermin, where their nicknames make headlines every day. If possible, write to editors not to glorify thugs and criminals, and to call them what they are - criminals.

3) Report instances of sexual transgressions, either in your case or others, immediately. Stand up to a crime, however small that may be. Brushing it under the carpet only allows it to grow uglier over time.

4) Urge your parents to be normal. Urge them to act, because to act is normal. They should not restrict activism to WhatsApp forwards or watching prime time television. Urge them to form safety groups. Urge them to talk to their neighbours first. Form groups that can take strolls at nights.

In my younger days, if there was a theft reported in the neighbourhood, some of us would take turns to patrol the village at night. We are not short of youngsters. Let them take turns... See who will come to rape you, unless it happens in your own house, like that hapless girl who committed suicide. That requires a different therapy.

5) Tell your mother not to fret, but join hands with other women in the neighbourhood to talk about safety. Open a karate school that can train you and several other girls. Or a Kalari centre. Have counselling sessions on how to deal with sexual offenders.

6) Urge parents of boys to give them sexual education. Create more opportunities for mixing of both genders so there is a wider understanding. Next time a guy disrespects you, show him his place. The lessons he will learn today will hold him in good stead later on in life.

7) Last but not the least, tell your parents to treat you equally. You are not the one to be shyly making tea while your family talks "big" things in the living room. You are not the one whose femininity is weighed by the degree of your modesty. You are not the one who always has to be home before dark because you are "vulnerable". Yes, you don't want to step into danger, but you also don't want to be cowed down by an unknown predator.

I say all this because there is only so little that governments can do. Yes, they can tighten laws, have more police patrols in isolated areas, take swifter action against criminals and so on. But please realise that even after the tighter rape norms in force after the Nirbhaya case, such crimes continue unabated.

That's why I feel the change should be you, we, all of us together. But the beginning should be from you. From a stronger, bolder and more confident you!

With love,

MG Arun

Mumbai

(The post first appeared on the writer's Facebook page)

Also read: Indian judiciary must deliver faster justice in rape cases