Bombay or Mumbai, there's no stopping Censor Board

Early on Tuesday morning I received a message via Twitter asking me to submit my handle @bombaywallah for a censor certificate from the Central Board of Film Certification. This seemed surprising since I did not realise that even social media fell under the jurisdiction of the CBFC. But there is so much we don't know and in these surreal times it is safe to assume the worst. But it turned out to be nothing more than a nightmare and so far I appear to be safe.

For Mihir Joshi, a sensitive lyricist who wanted to express his anguish about the Delhi rape incident, it is a nightmare that unfortunately came true. His song, "Sorry", which is in the form of a father expressing his regrets to his daughter for the unsafe world she has to live in was doing well on the net and the music label felt it should also now make its debut on television. As per the regulations, it submitted the song to the CBFC, which got back saying he would have to beep out the word Bombay. 

Mind you, the song would have potentially been seen by tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, who did not find the B-word offensive. And, no doubt the strict and censorious ladies and gents who have done this may have noticed that Bombay neatly rhymes with "today" in the previous line. But not for them such poetic matters - they just wanted it out.

So what exactly was the problem? Let us check out the CBFC's own guidelines: Did the song, justify anti-social behavior? Did it show the modus operandi of criminals? Did it glamourise tobacco usage or indeed used excessive and pointless violence? Perhaps it was full of sexual perversion.

There is also the possibility that it could have jeopardised relations with friendly states or challenged the sovereignty of the state.

If all these are ruled out, the only clause that remains is "endangering public order." How exactly a song, about a good cause and with its heart in the right place could create public disturbances remains a mystery, but then the wise folks on the CBFC don't bother to make their views public.

The Shiv Sena, which succeeded in getting the city's official name changed from Bombay to Mumbai in 1995 every now and then flexes its muscles to ensure that no institution or organisation dares use the old name. A few examples still persist, but it is anybody's guess how long they will continue. In writings and online, as well as in private conversation, large numbers of hardcore Bombayites continue saying Bombay. But the Sena is not running the CBFC and nor did it demand that the word be excised from the song. This seems to be over-enthusiasm on the part of some individual or committee, done perhaps out of misplaced chauvinism, ignoring the fact that this is not the CBFC's brief. Would it now bleep out all references to Bombay in old films? Will that old classic now become "Yeh hai bleep meri jaan?" Will the CBFC also cut out the word from foreign films, old books and magazines, historical documents?

As for me, I am not quaking with fear, because last I checked neither Twitter nor I, as a private citizen, come under the CBFC. But who knows, one day my nightmare may come true and I will have to undergo a name change if I want a certificate?