Who is Bigg Boss to decide if a man can't abuse a woman?

I am not a fan of hurling abuses just like I am not a fan of smoking cigarettes. Both are personal choices, a habit if you may. I have a colleague, however, who everyday greets us by saying, "b***h", followed by a big smile, and "good morning". None of us think she means ill, so we all smile back and greet her. During the course of the day, she often expresses her discontent over bad coffee, the non functioning printer and a missed deadline with the choicest of words; her most favourite being "f**k" prefixed and suffixed as per the situation. When I share this with a non-media friend she expresses shock and then sums up the situation as, “Everyone abuses in media, even women.”

I reach home and on television watch a heated discussion on the popular reality show, Bigg Boss 8, now in its final leg. The topic of debate: "How could a man abuse a woman on national television?"

At this point, I am puzzled. In fact, I begin to feel actually sad for the male folks in the Bigg Boss house for despite all that they did on the show to entertain us (Gautam Gulati sacrificed wearing clothes, Puneet Issar shaved his body hair and flaunted his legs in a pair of shorts, Upen Patel fell in love and transformed into a love-struck teenager, Ali Quli Mirza switched from being victimised to funny and more), it’s the women who managed to steal the limelight either for hurling abuses or for receiving one.

Yes, it’s a shame (surely not a national shame) when Karishma Tanna is abused by Gautam Gulati and when Pritam Singh abuses Dimpy Mahajan. But it is equally shameful when Dimpy Mahajan hurls abuses at Pritam Singh or Sambhavna Seth. Or when Dimpy braves a flying chappal from Sambhavna and when Sonali Raut slaps Ali. Or when a Karishma makes it her personal agenda to ridicule Rahul Mahajan.

Why is hurling abuses looked at with gender-tinted lens? How is it okay for a woman to abuse a man and not vice-versa? Or accept a verbal exchange between two women? Who is the deciding moral authority here?

In the last four months, Bigg Boss has revolved around the izzat of a woman! How is it respectful to call a man (Ali) a "dog" or casually discuss about the personal life of a male contestant but ring alarm bells when the subject is a woman?

The fact is men abuse women. Men abuse men. Women abuse women. Women abuse men. And so on and so forth. So who decides a woman abusing a woman is cool and fun, and when a man does so it is unacceptable? Who decides it is time to fight for a woman when she is at the receiving end and sit back when it is the other way round? How is abusing correct, irrespective of a gender? Whether I choose to sit in the non-smoking section of a restaurant or the smoking side is my personal choice, as an individual, irrespective of whether I am male or female.

Yes, women abuse too. And perhaps as a society we find it hard to fathom that. So for our convenience we assume that only "certain" type of women abuse and they follow an unwritten code to abuse the female gender only, unless their profession or situation allows otherwise. What are these types, let me break them down for you from the point of view of how our national television and cinema justify when a woman must abuse.

Women in media abuse. Think Rani Mukherjee in No One Killed Jessica. Women cops abuse, the only way we can show them as serious about their job. Once again think Rani Mukherjee in Mardaani. Think Kareena Kapoor Khan in Chameli. In homes, the mother-in-law abuse the daughter-in-law. Think Lalita Pawar. In addition, of course it is cool for the modern and independent woman to use the choicest of words. She is clearly the quintessential "Ladki haath se nikal gayi hai"!

So yes, go ahead, take your time and digest the attitude and language of these "type" of women but before that please get rid of those gender-tinted glasses.

PS: Perhaps in the next season of Bigg Boss, the boss should be a female!