Five simple tips for style divas not to do at fashion week

After a long runway lull, the flurry, fabric and flair of fashion week is back for desi divas across the country. Come end-July, fashionistas will be treated to everything from couture to bridal to prêt on the catwalk, topped with a glittering sprinkle of top Bollywood showstoppers and many photo-ops.

The upcoming autumn/winter and festive season is sure to be exciting with the latest collections by celebrated designers. However, since it's not every day that a major fashion event takes place, being prepared for it is absolutely key. With a bevy of shows hot on our heels, here's a tongue-in-cheek look at a few things that style-divas may never hear as advice, and would honestly be better off without doing.

Beg, borrow, steal for a fashion statement:

The only point is to be seen at a fashion week, the shows in themselves are secondary. Try as hard as possible to get photographed by a blogger, and then flaunt it in your friends' faces until they relocate to a different city. For the purpose, consider keeping your style as outlandish as possible - be out-there and over-the-top because that's what real fashion is (or not). The more gimmicky, the better. For inspiration, you can look to unrealistic make-up trends, Lady Gaga or even Princess Beatrice's "Toilet Seat" hat (remember what an international flurry that caused?) If nothing else, mix and match bright, attention-seeking separates for a delicious recipe called disaster.

Act like you don't care about the frow:

You may want to sit in the front row or frow, but you must act like you don't care. It's like when a girl wants a guy but acts like she doesn't. Getting seated in the frow is a mark of fashion respect that must either be earned, or clawed for. If possible, and whenever attending a show by a famous designer, you can sit on anybody else's designated seat. After all, the seating is meant to be squeezed into so that everyone is potentially falling off the edge of the bench. The frow is also a great place to say hello to people seated across the ramp from you. If you don't know what to do after waving to them (because the show won't start on time) pretend to either not notice them at all, or start a staring match with them until the lights finally dim.

Don't be consistently nice to anyone:

Just like in high-school movies, being nice can often be taken as a sign of weakness, so be careful while being friendly or polite with people - and that includes those you've known for a long time. Talking behind peoples' backs is always an option, because it'll help you become more popular, and getting a few laughs at another person's expense is always very classy. You can also try being amiable on one day of the fashion week and ignoring them the next, depending on your mood, physical distance from the "friend"/acquaintance, and whether you've made eye-contact with them or not. Otherwise, suck it up and be genuinely nice.

Make fun of the clothes and models:

Because let's face it. You can't understand, appreciate or care for most of the garments on the ramp. You've had enough of seeing the same colours, materials and silhouettes over and over again, and you're missing out on lying in bed to be here. Besides, it's so much easier playing the judge and jury to someone else's hard work. However, if asked by anyone what you felt about the collection, remember to muster a smile, dreamy eyes and shower unending praise over the show (which you hopefully remember). Also, hoping that a model trips during a dull collection may be entertaining, but don't bank on the thought too seriously.

Obsess over your phone during a show:

Looking down at your diamond-studded phone during a fashion show is a sure shot way to make you look busy and "cool". Sure, you may miss out on a few details of the garments, like whether the model wore a mini skirt or pants, but at least you can draft that reply to your ex-lover from years ago as to whether you still miss him. Also, always remember to click away furiously with your seven-thousand-megapixel phone camera when you see an ensemble so that you like so that you can tweet/instapost/Facebook-post it to your followers pronto. After all, they must "see-it-first" on your page, while you prove that you were busy attending a show. Of course, half an hour later the entire collection will be up on the internet in high resolution. And most shows have live-streaming these days. Nevertheless, your generosity must still be celebrated.