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To cow my mata, this Mother's Day is for you

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DailyBiteMay 14, 2017 | 09:11

To cow my mata, this Mother's Day is for you

“Dear Mother,

I read somewhere that mothers are angels that God puts on earth to care for us and guide us. You have been an angel to me and were always there when I needed you the most. You gave us so much milk that the neighbours said your name should be changed to Verghese Kurien.

Raghu’s mother helped him make art projects for school and also sewed his uniform. Unfortunately, you couldn’t do that because your hooves made that impossible. Gopal’s mother sang lullabies to him while you just stared at me till I fell asleep and had nightmares.

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Narayan’s mother threw nice birthday parties where we all played musical chairs and ate cake. No one came to my birthday because you don’t know how to bake and because my classmates were afraid of you.

Despite all of this, I am lucky to have you as a mother. You have taught me so much. For example, I used to be distracted and restless in college but then I observed how you could look at nothing for hours, lost in your own thoughts.

You just didn’t care about what was going on in the world. I tried to read the newspaper to you several times but you always got angry and smashed your head against the wall. Perhaps you didn’t like The Times of India.   

And remember when I used you to plough the fields for 12 years? Fun times. Vishnu, your grandson, told me to get a tractor but I didn’t want you to retire early as I know you’re a hard worker. Even though sometimes it seemed like you were going to collapse from fatigue.

Sometimes I have nightmares in which people from Kerala steal you and turn you into a tasty dish. Some people don’t understand the bond between mother and child and want to eat their mothers. This is why I became a gau rakshak.

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Some people don’t understand the bond between mother and child and want to eat their mothers. This is why I became a gau rakshak. Photo: Reuters

These days we stop any vehicle ferrying any animal - be it cow, buffalo or horse - and beat the transporters after accusing them of slaughtering animals without licence. Some of them have the right papers but we beat them up any way. Last month we even killed a man. You might remember that day as I came home drunk after celebrations.

You are old now and I don’t know how to keep you anymore. Gauri, your daughter-in-law, says that you are rude to her and don’t see her eye to eye. She says that you are addicted to plastic bags and won’t stop eating them when let out.

You don’t give milk anymore and also can’t work in the fields. Maybe we should move you to this nice retirement home I’ve heard of in Rajasthan. I’m just afraid that it may be owned by a BJP minister and they might turn you into a handbag or cricket balls.  

Olive Kitchen has a Mother’s Day special offer and I wanted to take you out for dinner. But I’m afraid that my fellow gau rakshaks may beat me up if they see us and mistake me for a Muslim. We are living in confusing times where some people have too much time on their hands and too little ambition.

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Sometimes I ask my gau rakshak friends what will happen to the ones that they have saved. They say their job is to only turn Muslims into vegetarians and they don't really care about protecting animals.

I love you because you are my oldest friend and because you are the best mother anyone could ask for. I just wish you didn't have hooves so that you could at least cook me one meal. Everyone talks about their mother's cooking and I feel left out.

Anyway, I’m glad to finally share my thoughts with you. There are so many things that we didn’t get the chance to say to each other in the past. Because I’m a human and you are a cow.”

(To know more about Humans of Hindutva, click here).

Illustration courtesy of VD.

Last updated: May 13, 2018 | 15:56
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