What the dog had to say about his poop being flung from a posh Gurgaon condo

In their dog-eat-dog world, it's my poop that has become news now. Yes, you have identified me correctly. What? You still don't know? Have you not read this.

The residents of a condominium in Gurgaon, Belvedere Tower in DLF Phase 2, were facing a "faeces problem" as unidentified resident(s) was allegedly throwing dog excreta from Tower A.

Residents complained it was going on for a few days but after someone narrowly missed being hit on Friday (January 13), the Belvedere Tower Condominium Association put up a notice asking residents to help them identify and nab the culprit.

They even issued a notice and prepared a list of pet owners. My master and 14 other pet owners all came under the scanner. The last few days were really scary. While my master spent sleepless night, his wife prayed hard that I go "poopless" at least for a day or two. Everyone in the house was so worried that there was extra pressure building up.

And then it happened. They finally identified the alleged “poop thrower” and with that I too have been exposed. 

Some of the residents were kind enough not to divulge my master's name in front of the growling media. But a few others came and counselled my owners. Imagine! They called it a shameful incident and that educated people are not supposed to do that. Now, you tell me what is the relation between education and poop.

I heard that Mr Sahni, arre that former secretary of our residents' welfare association, made our maid the villain of the piece. He said: “It keeps happening on and off in the condominium. There is a new domestic help who is not educated, they throw it from their balconies thinking the cleaners will clean it."

I initially felt really bad for our poor maid but then she came in running and told my owners that the fault was mine. Because I poop inside the house, she has to throw it somewhere (so what even if it means throwing it at someone's face). Bloody bitch!  What a shitty excuse. Now, you tell me where do I go and carry out my ablutions?

Frankly speaking, I love going out and scratching and scraping the ground with my paws immediately after doing my deed. Oh, how I miss the green grass and the soggy soil. Don't tell anyone but sometimes I also used to go "hunting" for love and could sniff their presence from a distance during my poop outings. What did you say? Disgusting? C'mon, as if you don't go looking around for company during those morning walks. Don't lie, you dog!

But this time it's serious. My owners almost decided to disown me. Why is it such a big deal, I don't understand. Everyone living in those condos are okay if we dogs go out and do our deed outside on the footpath, or the road, or any damn place, but inside the walls. Don't give me that shit.

By the way, if they have failed to see it some poor buggers already occupy the footpaths outside. While I need just one quiet corner and can't find it, there is an entire colony of human ants living on those pavements.

Till recently, I too used to feel very bad every time that "uneducated" maid would come and pick my poop. But then one day on TV I saw one Bezwada Wilson and came to know that it's okay to get someone else shovel your shit. Yea, really. He told me that India still has over two lakh manual scavengers who needed to be rescued. Although I don't agree with all that he says (who will clean all those shitloads of human excreta if you stop manual scavenging), I started feeling less apologetic about my shit. At least my poop doesn't smell that bad. I also don't make my fellow dogs clean it.

So unless you clean up your act, stop throwing dirt at me.

Also read: The right to poop and pee is equally fundamental