Sangakkara and Tendulkar chat on the challenges of retirement
Kumar Sangakkara's gravest concern was not what after cricket, it was the immediate future - what was to be done with the mementos that Sri Lanka Cricket (SLC) and his well-wishers had burdened him with. If that wasn't bad enough, the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) shipped the excess from Sachin Tendulkar's showcase. There was never any love lost between Sanga and these cricket boards, but it was too early to discard the pointless mementos. Sanga did the first thing that came to his mind; he called up the "Master of Retirements".
Kumar Sangakkara: Thank you, Sachin, for your tweet. I noticed it got the maximum retweets and people who weren't even aware I had retired, or knew that I played cricket or existed, called to ask me, what had happened - was it because of another showdown with Sri Lanka Cricket; were they forcing me; why was I not playing the third Test?
Sachin Tendulkar: No, Kumar, I should say "thank you". Thank you for all the memories. It was a pleasure to lose the toss in the World Cup final to you...
KS (giggles): Hehe I'm sure, lose the toss and win the World Cup...
ST (giggles): Always completing my sentences aren't you, Kumar? So how did you remember me on such a busy day? I remember during my retirement, I didn't have a moment to breathe... though an early finish did help... aah you guys got free early too.
KS (giggles): My wife has given me an ultimatum.
ST: WHAT? You too? Damn it, don't tell me, it's the "me...
KS: Mementos... yes, Sachin, it's those useless, pointless...
ST: ... Ugly, thoughtless, cheap...
KS: BCCI discards that didn't make it to you.
ST: Don't say, any with Srini's signature?
KS: Ha plenty... and some with your name and mine added as an afterthought.
ST: Good lord, I myself got some which were left over from the times of Dravid and Dada and VVS. Imagine...
KS: Of course, that's all beside the point. It's the sheer number, it's like a f***ing siege, in our little island we've never seen anything like it.
ST: My sympathies, Kumar, but what can I do for you?
KS: Exactly, what did you do with the trash?
ST: Can I be honest with you? Nothing.
KS: Nothing? Are you kidding me? Nothing?
ST: Just for Anjali's sake, we sat down with Ravi Shastri and Sunil Gavaskar...
KS: OK, both of them are here, then...
ST: Shastri suggested we open a museum with all these mementos and brand the museum the "Milestone Man's Museum".
KS (giggles): Hehe trust Ravi to come up with something like that. But it's 2015 and there still isn't any such museum; or is there?
ST: No. Between you and me, that was to calm Anjali down.
KS: Ok, what did you do with all those mementos? Bet yours were far more than mine, way more than...
ST: Sunny said I was like a son to him. He said there was a safe house he could keep them all in and nobody would know...
KS: Wow? Really, where?
ST: Just between the two of us, Rohan's house.
KS: Rohan?
ST: Yes, Sunny's son, Rohan Gavaskar's house...
KS (giggles) And Rohan Gavaskar agreed...
ST: How could he not? But there were too many for him. Once I ran into Mr Amitabh Bachchan. He had heard from Sunny, and felt very bad for me; so he volunteered to have a few hundred kept in Abhishek's room...
KS: What would we do without good friends and their sons... What do you I suggest I do?
ST: Speak to Sunny, he really made quite an emotional speech; work on him straight away. I'm sure there's still space in Rohan's house for another champion.
KS: Oh, Thank you, Sachin. You always have a solution.
ST: Enjoy your retirement, Kumar. You could start by investing in a place in London, if you haven't already.
KS: And watch Wimbledon?
ST: Exactly. Also Sotheby's is big on auctions of these mementos. Every year I put a few down there, it's good pocket money for the kids...
KS: I'm starting to think that these mementos aren't so bad after all.
ST: Oh which reminds me, you could even keep a few at Kambli's place, he's delusional enough to think that they were meant for him... the left-hander angle and all.
Sangakkara and Tendulkar ended their conversation there. Sanga next picked the phone and called Jehan Mubarak who at 34 years with scores of 0, 49, 22 and 0 in the series, was also ripe for retirement and some of Sanga's stash.
(However plausible this might sound, this is largely a work of fiction.)