And that's the end of the news
"I feel bereft. And deeply bored," said he. "I feel like a season of 24 or some other gripping reality TV show has ended. There's nothing to watch on the news."
Hmm. This is a hugely successful gentleman with stake in a media conglomerate. At least he is honest.
The latest in the Sheena case had climaxed in a ratings arrest. Nothing was happening. Nothing to "report".
One of the biggest traumas for a news team is the morning news meeting. I quote in Hindi because I have never run an English network. Not yet at least. But I am sure "news trauma" has no linguistic bias.
"Hum yah soch rahe thhe ke aaj kuch nyooj hai hee nahin. Bas wahi neta par aarop. Wahi Jantar Mantar waali baat. Kuch naya vizual hai hi nahin. Kahaani kaise badhayein!?"
The heads of the newsroom nod in mutual despair. And break open a packet of supari. No great "input". So no dramatic "output". How long can you hold the audience with visuals of seated, stationary people or repetitive political sparring which has started to sound as dull as a background score composed by mumble bees?
This is live television. Not a five-minute AIR broadcast. You need audio drama and movement on screen if you want your audience to sit still and be hooked. Or at least not surf to the enemy camp.
Hence the "biff bam boom" of on-air graphics. The "dhing-chak" music. The output head of a news channel deserves an Oscar for Best Director.
There's a particular broadcast you just "have to show" to be politically correct. So you do. There's an extremely important matter, concerning millions of citizens, but without great visuals you must include in your coverage. So you do. Suddenly you are glad your boss sold an hour of airtime to a "healer" or an astrologer in a shiny costume. It takes the pressure off on a "non-news" day. So you "phew".
The funny part is, the ratings of these "bikaau" slots sometimes generate triple the viewership of critically important and morally correct newscasts - the type that make people call you a responsible and "good" channel. These amazing entertainment shows, set ratings on fire, especially the ones that create anticipation of good fortune and propagate psychological dependence on the one human being who can make all your dreams come true.
We Indians love to watch suffering. Be it on a soap opera or even the news.
Kabhi khushi doesn't sell. Kabhi gham leaves us glued to the screen.
This is the age of short-form news. Micro shows on YouTube. Opinion by Twitter. Is the half an hour TV slot dying out? Has the 24/7 broadcast news concept outlived its use?
Well, the "news pros" still capable of filling half hour news slots are certainly becoming a rare breed. And anchors only interested in being "important" with political parties and "at" political parties will soon rise to their own levels of incompetence. If you are not a 360 degree brand name, you don't matter.
So the juice in the news has now allegedly dried up. You are dealing with sterner stuff. But your audience would rather consume that "real" news in an online news alert or a twittercast. Where is the majaa in wasting time on things of little consequence to those not impacted by it? Like scientific breakthroughs or defence issues? Or political developments in someone else's state?
When I was at New York University, studying broadcast news, I learned an invaluable lesson. The same principle has, I think, helped the news industry swell from a three-channel race to a 330 channel "Mahabharat" in 13 years.
News, I discovered, is what impacts your home first, then your city, then your country and then the rest of the world. I am not discounting the value of foreign affairs. But this is how the common man the world over generally consumes information.
It may explain the ratings next week while the channels exercise "restraint" and focus on "real" issues and "proper" news and let Mr Maria do his job.
The next high season begins on September 30.
(This first appeared on the writer's Facebook page.)