6 things I learned from my divorce
Recently I was diagnosed with a big fibroid that needed to be operated immediately. My first reaction was this cannot be happening to me. I mean I eat right, I run three times a week and walk the other days. I don't drink often or take drugs or smoke. Why had my body reacted this badly? After all most women do get fibroids and they diminish over time.
So the first thing the doctor told me was that fibroids are caused by an emotional stress and develop over time. My fibroid was caused four years ago when I had decided to separate from my husband.
And while my reaction was that's seriously no reason to stay married, here are six things I learned from my divorce that can help avoid stress and fibroids in women's lives.
1. Don't speak harsh words - Any break-up is going to cause you to speak nasty words to your partner. You hate them for what they've done to your life. You want justice and you may file FIRs, call lawyers and criticise them to your friends and family. You will churn it repeatedly in your head and vitriolic words will overflow over years. But with all this you're killing your own good energies. You are creating negative energy to flow through your veins every day. You are choosing to leave a relationship because you know that this cannot go on. So why blame the other person for everything else? Understand your decision. Accept it. Find what you truly need. Forgive him. Let it go.
2. Stop your insecurity - As soon as you go through a divorce your body will retaliate by fearing the unknown. You've never lived alone. How will you manage? Who will love you again? Will you have enough money, enough support or enough respect again? Fear and insecurity leads to the body going into survival mode. This mode is very cramped, closed and hard. Realise that this mode is not you and it is creating damage to your balanced mind. Let this insecurity pass. I can truly tell you that over time, I have managed on my own, never lost any respect and had enough love and support.
3. Don't play your children - Your children are not pawns in this game of relationship chess. By denying your children to meet their father you are damaging your children's psyche forever, not to mention you are harming your body. These children have been a conjunction of you and your partner in loving times. If you deny them meeting their father, it's like telling your body you made a mistake and you admonish it. It is scientifically proven that cells in our body hold memory. Don't create this memory for your children in their bodies or in yours. I never stopped my ex from meeting or spending time with my daughter. Today, I have a healthy relationship with him and respect from her for this choice.
4. Let families and friends take time to adjust - You've been married for a long time and your friends and families have formed bonds with your partner over years. They have not unravelled from this bond like you have over time. Let them take their time to pick sides if they need to. You don't need to force them or make them choose. You should also not influence their decision by saying bad things about your spouse and all the reasons you felt to get a divorce. Your family will be there for you when you need them. Your friends may not care. It's not in your control. You'll make new friends. God gives you the people in your life when you need them. Believe in that and stop worrying about it.
5. Exercise and do yoga - Pranayam and yoga asanas are really beneficial to the soul. They help relieve stress and centre you. Walking, jogging, gym, dancing, and other forms of exercise keep you in shape and boost your endorphins. A combination of exercise and yoga keeps your body fit and your mind happy.
6. Seek a good therapist - Friends and family might be wonderful to talk to but they are not qualified to give you sound advice. You might feel strong, secure and able to manage all of life's woes but truly your body needs more support and a therapist can help by clearing the anxieties from your life. Pick one that comes highly recommended and don't be shy to open up about your feelings. Sometimes you'll need to go to two or three healers to help you deal with this traumatic phase in your life, but in the end it's all about restoring your balance and nurturing your body and mind. Do it because you're worth it.
Today is a week since my surgery where I got my fibroid removed. I know I am stronger and healthy now. Find the steps to remove the stress from your life as well. Your body and mind deserve to be free.