When did our high-flying Indian culture become so rude?
When did we morph into a rude and discourteous community? Is this specific to Delhi and the North? Or is this widespread across the length and breadth of the country? Nothing brings this home to me as much as when I travel, and I dread the possible moments of conflict, rudeness, aggressive behaviour, and vitriolic exchange between travellers. Which makes me wonder, at what age do we learn to be rude and who teaches us our first lesson in civility, is it home or school? Is there a need for a weekly, nay daily, lesson in politeness, courtesy and kindness?
As an educationist I am dismayed to realise that schools are being asked to "bring up" children, something that frankly is the prerogative and domain of parenthood. We cannot continue to absolve our responsibilities on an educational community and sadly this is what appears to be happening. I see how the role of educators has changed, from transmitters of information to facilitators, and more importantly, guides, counsellors and therapists, not just for students but for their families. But the basic fundamentals of decency and civility need to start when they are babies - from their parents and their home.
If you are taking a flight and presently it's wonderful to see large sections of the population take to the skies - the desperate urge to be the first, cut queues, come up really close and invade your personal space are more than just irritants. I used to fight back initially as men and women jostled past in the queue to check in and snapped if they hovered too close overpowering me with a combined odour of perspiration and deodorant. But it's on the flight that I cannot restrain myself!
Why do men, old and young, find air hostesses fair game to harass, be rude to, persist with annoying demands - and never a word of thank you, leave alone "please".
My heart goes out to these young women who have clearly been trained to take everything on their chin! I just have to recount two instances. The first was a flight to Kolkata and despite requests, entreaties - the odious man in front of me would not turn off his mobile as we were taking off and insisted on talking in a loud and boorish voice. When she requested again, this time with a hint of firmness - he started to shout- "he wanted to complain to the captain, he wanted access to the cockpit immediately, he would have her sacked"! There were men in the row with him, no one said a thing. She stood there listening to his diatribe and even as we were taking off I stood up and told him to back off, the captain had a job to do and that was to fly the plane and if he had a complaint he should mail the airline. I got a sympathetic smile from a fellow woman passenger, the men looked at their feet and the boorish passenger blustered, but like all bullies he was a coward and kept quiet only to start on me, but not to my face!
Last week a young man drove the air hostess insane by asking her to repeat the menu several times, while it was lying there on his table, smiling at her discomfiture and you could hear and see the sense of "power" he felt over her. Why do we exploit those who care for and serve us? Why do we demean "service" instead of treating it with all the respect and courtesy it deserves?
I also have a bone to pick with airlines who insist their stewardesses wear unbelievably uncomfortable tight clothes, in fabric that doesn't breathe, with nylon stockings in 45 degrees Celsius - gasping for breath in skirts and blouses that suffocate - and with wigs to boot. Not content with that - one particular airline prefers the ladies dress in a violent red and are made up to look like the chorus line in Moulin Rouge no less. What is the point of it other than being sexist and exploitative? Given the amount of leaning and bending over they do to help passengers it only serves to give a large number of male passengers an opportunity to leer distastefully - so management - are you listening?
As adults we do nothing to check our children's bad behaviour as they run up and down the aisle screaming and kicking! "Baccha hai" is the usual response when you suggest to the parent that some restraint would be advisable as the little terror sends luggage, coffee, flying in the aircraft. My parents would have strung me up if I had behaved in this fashion and I know that my children were not allowed to run amok in public.
Children will follow the rules of engagement that they see adults display. Screaming at the hotel breakfast tables, throwing food around, shouting at the waiters as fathers switch off and tired mothers go through the motions. It is a sight that faced me every morning on holiday.
Clearly, we have lost sight of acceptable and unacceptable behaviours and there is no code for politeness, respect and courtesies. So do young adults need classes in parenting skills? Is it time to run lessons in civility for all parents and will schools need to invite parents back to school?