Why I want my son to become a superhero that respects women

A Panchayat in Nawada district of Bihar asked the rapist to pay an amount of Rs 31,000 to the rape survivor to forget the incident. This shows how lightly crimes against women are perceived in our country. A woman in Rohtak suffered the same fate as the "Nirbhaya" case but did not get media and police attention until the state elections were over. The outrage this time was subdued. There are one too many cases of violence against women that has numbed our reaction to the medievalism prevalent all around us.

The cases of a daughter being raped by her own father, a sister by her own brother and such, do not help either. Most rapes that go unreported are by known people, relatives or neighbours. Today, the image of men in general has taken a hit among women.

I am raising a son and am way too conscious about how he behaves around girls. What would have often been deemed as innocent child's play a generation ago is no longer child’s play today. Not because he is conscious about it, but I am. In the process, I am compromising with his innocence. He just turned seven, but as a woman and a mother, I feel responsible and want to ensure that he learns to respect, more so the "she" and "her" in his life and knows his boundaries, the unseen, unspoken line he should never cross as a man.

Disrespecting a woman can happen at many levels. It is not just about violating her physically. Rape and violence are an extreme form of disrespect. I would say even staring at a woman in a way that makes her uncomfortable is not acceptable. By no means is she a public property and should not be treated as one, ever.

So how do we help our young forge a healthy, meaningful and respectful relationship with the other gender?

Awareness and education are obvious tools. But there is something far more important and that is leading by example. This has to be done by men around him. Good men standing up for women. Showing what it takes to be a man who is admired by a woman. Not because he is a star, a celebrity, or a super achiever, but because he is a common man, with common sense. An ordinary individual with social etiquette.

Recently, a video recorded by a girl who was molested by a man in an aircraft went viral. What struck me most was the disinterested look on the faces of the other passengers, mostly men, who simply watched, some even embarrassed by the play of events. How is it that not one of them stood up in support of the woman? It is difficult to believe that there was not one man in that crowd who thought what happened to the woman was unacceptable. A good man isn't a person who does not commit a crime against a woman; a good man is one who has the courage to stand up against anyone who does. 

No wonder, the children in that flight would learn to be mute spectators.

We need to teach our sons, that a woman’s respect cannot be earned through brashness, cockiness, power play and by virtue of being macho. It will be earned by treating her as an equal, by standing up for her, whether she is known or a stranger. It will be earned through the realisation that loving her, respecting her and giving her wings to fulfil her own dreams is not equivalent to being a “henpecked” or a “sissy” but one who will be seen as desirable by every sensible woman he comes across. That standing up for another human being will make him the superhero he so fondly emulates today. Children idolise superheroes.