How the big, fat wedding is killing Punjab's daughters

Wedding palaces, as they are called, are a growing enterprise in Punjab. After all, the state has turned into a large marketplace for big, fat weddings, glamorised by movies, the media and the wealthy diaspora overseas.

I remember attending one such over-the-top event - rather a series of them - in Delhi and elsewhere with Punjabi connections some ten years ago.

It was the matrimony of Vikram Chatwal, the 34-year-old model-dating son of Sikh-American tycoon Sant Singh Chatwal. The multi-million dollar celebrations were covered hysterically by national and international media.

Former US president Bill Clinton, Indian prime minister Manmohan Singh, top industrialists, Hollywood and Bollywood celebrities were in attendance to wish a happy wedding to the groom, nicknamed "Turban Cowboy" for his New York nightlife.So much was the hype over Chatwal's lifestyle that the exchange-of-vows were featured in a Discovery Channel documentary titled The Great Indian Wedding.

The Chatwals built their fortunes in the United States, but several overzealous international news outlets portrayed their lavish festivities as a sign of India's economic growth. 

Displaying wealth is integral to Page 3, worldwide. But not every place is Page 3. Certainly not everyone in Punjab is - only a handful of Punjabis may be.

Still, profligacy has left an extraordinary influence on the region, especially over the past two decades. And vested commercial interests have profoundly fed its male supremacy.

Let's take a look at some of the figures compiled in the state's report on gender statistics in 2012, a year after the census data was released.

Women make up 47.23 per cent of Punjab's total population, compared to 48.5 per cent at the national level. The state's female to male sex ratio of 895 per 1,000 in 2011 is far lower than the national average of 943 in 2011. And what is more alarming is a steep decline of girl children in zero to six age-group - down from 901 in 1961 to 846 per 1,000 boys in 2011.

Punjab remains largely agrarian. Sons are preferred over daughters because they are seen as heirs to land holdings.

However, agriculture is in a deep crisis in the state. It's suffering the adverse impact of the Green Revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, which forced farmers to cultivate water-guzzling crops.

Essentially, the American-backed Green Revolution destroyed Punjab's farming ecosystem and landed farmers in a vicious cycle of debts fueled by an acute shortage of groundwater and high costs of fertilisers and equipment to drill the water out.

This financial disaster appears to have touched off a chain reaction on the patriarchal state's male to female ratio.

For a farmer, who is on the verge of committing suicide because of crippling debts, daughters become liabilities more than ever before. His conservative, male-dominant mindset still wants a male inheritor of his nearly-barren land.

Worse, he's aware he won't be in a position ever to marry a daughter off extravagantly in keeping with what is now a trend of high-priced weddings.

Where will he get the money to buy expensive diamond jewelry, fancy gold-studded invitation cards, glittering wedding attire, imported alcohol, for famous DJs and for venues like plush wedding palaces?

Women are largely homemakers in Punjab. The 2011 census data places the state's female workforce participation rate at 13.9 per cent and male at 55.2 per cent as compared to the national average of 25.5 per cent for women and 53.3 per cent for men.

Dowries have long been outlawed but now they are passed off as gifts from the bride's parents and relatives. Cars decked with ribbons and balloons are a common feature at the gates of Punjab's wedding palaces. Money that is spent on an event lasting from some hours to some days could be well utilised in building the future of next generations.

But when a debt-ridden father chooses to make his own fashion statement attached to weddings, more loans from ruthless private lenders remain the only option in order for him to execute the squandering. For many average income parents-to-be, it's the dreadful act of sex-selective abortions that they resort to.

No one stands exonerated - neither the wealthy Punjabi, who has converted the institution of marriage into profligacy, nor killers of female foetuses, who could simply put their foot down to ostentation.

Take a moment and dig out the old, black-and-white photos of your parents or grandparents. Just ask them, if they are around, or yourself, if they aren't: Did they take a loan for their nuptials? If not, why?