Burning Bobby Jindal
Friends, Indians, countrymen. I come to bury Jindal, not to praise him. The migrations of men live after them. Their origins are often interred with their bones. So let it not be with Jindal. The noble Jindal hath told you Jindal was ambitious. It is grevious fault.
It is our bounden duty towards our man in the USA - that Baton Rouge-born India-disowning spy-camera-family-conversation-capturing brown-skinned-white-man - to hyphenate he who would rather forget he was born with a hyphen between the two lobes of his brain: the imaginary one and the real one. In the real one, he was called Piyush. Never mind that if he were in Punjab today, he'd probably by default be called Bobby and run a trucking fleet. And spy on his kids and post that on Facebook while dissing government intercepts and the NSA over lassi at the local dhaba. Poor guy is more Indian than he knows. Never mind that if he was in India, he would single-handedly sell out Fair & Lovely with the ancient Indian dispensation towards looking whiter in one's colonial-hangover portraits than in real life. Nevermind that he is a conservative who signed into gun control, because ideology is just a label and he should probably be running in the heartland where country rifles just need a saw, some scratching and no paperwork. Nevermind that America is right now so entrenched in a state of denial that Rachael Dolzeal isn't black, Bobby Jindal isn't brown, and Hillary Clinton, who thinks #AllLivesMatter is appropriate in a black church in Ferguson, of all places, isn't white (and Donald Trump's hair sure as hell isn't hair). Let's not even get into the fact that the man's entire self-formed identity is shaped on The Brady Bunch. (How is it American to not get pop cultural references?). But that in black rights-dominated Louisiana, the dude picked Roman Catholicism and anti-abortion white elitism, to identify with, which, to put it in perspective is the entire Thackeray clan sending their kids to the Jesuit St Xavier's college and the Catholic Bombay Scottish, because you know, son of the soil and all that (Marathi rules! m/)
But, you know, When that the poor have cried, Jindal hath wept (ambition should be made of sterner stuff)
But most of all, Bobby "poor is an ethnicity" Jindal - meet your long-lost twin Rahul "poverty is a state of mind" Gandhi - who is just trying SO hard to be brown. At least Jindal told the Republicans "We've got to stop being the stupid party"... Right before he thought up Jindalcare to replace Obamacare. Na-uh, we have enough Gandhi yojanas thank you Rahul.
Hey, wanna rack up some bilateral trade? (O Judgement! Thou art fled to brutish beasts, and men have lost their reason.) Bear with me... The deal is you keep 'em both America.