Why America needs Donald Trump

Every US presidential election throws up some character we are likely to love or loathe.

Having had our fill of Tina Fey, sorry Sarah Palin, and her oddball family, we are now witnessing the birth of another phenomenon, Donald Trump, who is soon going to become a verb as much as he is a noun. Former Texas governor Rick Perry has already coined the term: Trumpism, a toxic mix of demogoguery and nonsense. So why do we need Trump?

1. With Hillary Clinton as the front runner, this is going to be a terribly politically correct election. Only Trump can criticise a war hero, having sat out the Vietnam war. He apparently thinks that if you are captured in war, it makes you a wimp. He said of Senator John McCain: "He's a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren't captured." While McCain was held prisoner by the North Vietnamese, Trump was avoiding the war, counting his inheritance, and dreaming about taking Manhattan, as several outraged articles have noted. One, in The Washington Post, has even quoted from his famously partying ways at Studio 54: “I saw things happening there that to this day, I have never seen again. I would watch supermodels getting screwed, well-known supermodels getting screwed on a bench in the middle of the room. There were seven of them and each one was getting screwed by a different guy. This was in the middle of the room.”

2. His hair will give Hillary Clinton's hair some competition. As much as Hillary's hair has changed with her many avatars - frizzy as a law student, long blonde as a soccer mom, businesslike blunt as secretary of state and now the perfect length for the perfect candidate, Trump's hair has stayed the same, like a glittering dome atop one of his tacky buildings, perhaps Trump Plaza. It has a life of its own and offers healthy competition to his ever mobile mouth.

3. His daughter Ivanka will give Chelsea tough competition. She's as blonde, a smart businesswoman, more photogenic, and definitely has more shoes. And jewellery. And money.

4. He makes the right wing in India look sane. Listen to what he has to say about Mexicans.

Trumptastic Voyage

“[Mexico] are sending people that have lots of problems, and they are bringing those problems to us,” Trump said at his launch event. “They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists... They’re sending us the worst people”. Charming, isn't he? Someone clearly forgot to tell him America is the melting pot of the world.

5. He tweets (as @realDonaldTrump) even more aggressively than Lalit Modi, though without the emotive emoticons. Here he is responding to his favourite person of the moment, Sentaor John McCain:

The thousands of people that showed up for me in Phoenix were amazing Americans. @SenJohnMcCain called them "crazies"--must apologize!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 16, 2015

.@SenJohnMcCain should be defeated in the primaries. Graduated last in his class at Annapolis--dummy!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 16, 2015

And the most important reason of all. He will cease to make any more hideous buildings, we hope. And host any more Wrestlemanias. And organise any more Miss Universes. He has already thankfully not signed another season of The Apprentice - though if he's successful as the Republican candidate, he will be on our screens all the time. Ouch. He wants to "Make America Great Again" but he has a peculiar way of going about it. Yet what would late night show hosts, listicle writers and the outraged industry do without "The Donald"? Probably ask Sarah Palin to run again.