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They gave me 21 electric shocks for being gay

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DailyBiteMay 27, 2015 | 10:11

They gave me 21 electric shocks for being gay

I was doing my final year masters at Delhi University when we went for a study tour as a part of the course. There was this boy in my class whom I had feelings for; he also happened to be my family friend. I was always afraid to share my feelings with him for fear that I might lose my best friend.

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Then this trip happened. During the trip we shared the same room and one night we got drunk and I couldn't resist myself. It was the beginning of my end. He came home, narrated my shameful behaviour and humiliated me in front of my entire family. My sister is a psychologist. She promised me that she would help me become straight, though I did not want to be one. She took me to a leading psychiatrist.

It was nightmare for the next three months. The psychiatrist asked me to change my thinking. He talked to me about heterosexual love making.

When I told him that I was not attracted to girls at all, he asked me to sit on a chair and attached electrodes on to my finger tips. He then gave me mild electric shocks, administering each shock after showing the picture of a nude male, to induce aversion. When it didn't work, I was sedated and asked to lie down on a bed with electrodes attached to my skull. My hands and legs were tied and my mouth gagged to prevent me from biting my tongue during the shock treatment.

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The session lasted for 15 to 20 minutes with a cooling period of 30 seconds after each shock. In three months I received 21 shock treatments. It was terrible. I was in a dizzy state, feeling nauseatic all the time. I could not talk properly. My words got jumbled when I tried to speak. Due to this I had to miss my viva. I was literally imprisoned in my house for three months. My study got disrupted and my degree got delayed by a year. To tell you the truth, all this treatment has made little change in my orientation.

I am still gay and will always be, though to my family, I am normal now. My mom keeps teasing whenever I go out and asks for the names of girls whom I have met or made friends with. It is disgusting. I hoped that at least she will understand me when I was bedridden for three months. If she can't feel my pain then why should I be bothered about her feelings? I am firm that I am not going to get married to a girl. I don't want to ruin the life of a woman.

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(As told to Sangeeth Sebastian/Mail Today urges conversion therapy survivors to speak out.)

Last updated: May 27, 2015 | 10:11
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