Sorrow of Kashmiri Pandits is not a Hindu versus Muslim debate
I have built a beautiful house in Gurgaon. It is lovely. The architecture and interiors are near perfect. But when I sleep, and the word home crosses my dreamscape, it is always that building in Kashmir that appears. The one at Sheetal Nath, Sathu Barbar Shah in Srinagar. I lived there. Maybe I still do. Let me tell you what I remember most about that house - It had a huge log on the third floor. The house had patterns of old bricks.
The house was burnt in 1993. But it is still alive.
When I went back to Srinagar 20 years after my family and other Kashmiri Pandits were forced to leave the Valley in 1990, I checked into a hotel. I then checked out. I checked in another one. I checked out. Five hotels. I could not sleep anywhere.
I thought, I can't be still for a very long time, I need to keep moving, I must keep walking. Perhaps, displacement does that to us.
No, I do not talk to the media; I ignore invitations by television channels. It is not arrogance but the suffocation I feel when journalists try to pitch me against someone and make it a Hindu versus Muslim debate, because that is not what it should be about.
It has to be about being a minority among the majority. It is also about being a moderate Muslim among a majority that may not be moderate. Life operates on different levels, layers. You have to see all of them. And at least try to understand everyone's narrative.
Is anyone even listening to the narrative of the Kashmiri Pandits? But then why should they? We don't constitute a major vote bank, we are not a minority in the context of the country, we are such a small segment, we are leaderless. But I should not be saying all this. After all, it will become very convenient for people to brand me Right-wing. They have done that earlier too. Who wants to indulge in an intelligent debate?
Yes, we were persecuted. But we never gave up. Living in refugee camps with no facilities, we did not think of opening grocery shops but ensured that our children studied hard. So hard that they went places. Not to prove a point to anyone but just to ensure that they understood themselves better, had a deeper understanding of things around.
The first ten years of my career, I would paint a lot. Stand in front of my easel and attack it with a vengeance. So many images had to be recorded. A Chinese writer friend was amazed to see the number. He asked me a question; I did not tell him that I wanted a release. Desperately.
Talk about Kashmir and everything starts and ends at Article 370. Nobody even whispers about opening BPOs there, about small-scale industries, about developing sports infrastructure. And, how about a literature festival? It can get cancelled if a rumour spreads that Salman Rushdie may attend it.
Don't the young there deserve a gathering of writers, artists and intellectuals? No, that is discouraged because culture is a dangerous thing, it allows space for interpretation, it lets other narratives seep in, it teaches one to listen to the other even if the wavelength is not the same. Before militancy, people like MF Husain and SH Raza would come for months. There would be art camps…
It is also important to understand that everyone is "right" in their experience and expression. We must listen to both. When you read Mirza Waheed's beautiful The Book of Gold Leaves, and Rahul Pandita's well-researched Our Moon has Blood Clots... When you see the excellently made film Haider, just ask yourself, is this the only narrative I need to see, where state is responsible for everything wrong? Where the militant has not shot a single innocent person?
(as told to Sukant Deepak)