Why GadkariLeaks will give India its Ureka moment

Archimedes was an upstart who had no clue about the insignificance of his so-called discovery of the upthrust experienced by a body as it was being immersed in water. This was no doubt a discovery for Europe, if one could so exalt a routine effort. Experiencing the upthrust of water was such a common occurrence for our young lads - they spent most of their time jumping in and out of local ponds - that we did not even bother to take note of this phenomenon.

But this was India where we have always been very particular about bodily hygiene. Bathing, washing and cleaning with water was a kind of novelty in Europe and it is no wonder that not too many had experienced the upthrust exercised by water as they seldom used this most venerable and efficacious of cleansing agents. The use of paper where water should be preferred is proof, if necessary, that the pernicious practice of wiping instead of washing continues to colonise our minds and other parts of our bodies and this trend needs to be fought and resisted. The several initiatives for cleanliness that have recently been initiated need to include a no-paper campaign as a necessary component of the effort.

One must, however, concede that the discovery of the upthrust, was of some help to the law keepers in ancient Greece when trying to uncover petty scams perpetrated by cheating gold and silversmiths and it is, perhaps, because of this utility that Archimedes made bold to proclaim it as the Eureka moment.

For reasons explained above, one need not labour the point that, as far as we are concerned, this was not an earth-shaking discovery. We had, since ancient times, known about the buoyancy of water and many other laws that governed this ephemeral universe and many of our sages could transcend space within the batting of an eyelid - many had mastered the art of walking, floating and striding across water and many continue to do so till today. Because of this, we have no qualms in declaring that Archimedes' discovery was no Eureka moment.

In any case, there is a spelling mistake in the expression - any new discovery, especially an earth-shattering significance, must be described as a Ureka moment, not a Eureka moment. A Ureka moment is a moment of utter relief, an indescribable lightness of being, a moment of Anand, which sends shivers of excitement and joy down your spine, as you let go and allow your bladder to expurgate, to cleanse itself, and to be free of the fluid it has been hoarding for the lack of an opportunity.

In other words, the mundane, routine, quotidian act of peeing, pissing, urinating is the Ureka moment that all South Asians, especially males, experience several times everyday and that is why we do not make a song and dance about it, much less streaking through city streets while shouting our heads off. Being free citizens of the largest, though not yet the most developed and most powerful, democracy in the world - fully aware of our rights - we exercise this right without hindrance in full public view. In the act, we underscore our freedom of choice of site; peeing at will is, in fact, the sine qua non of the Indian democracy.

And now there is news that besides being an assertion of democracy and freedom, the act of peeing is also profoundly beneficial for things that are rooted in the Indian soil. And now we have it on official authority, from a cabinet minister, that whenever the Indian male stands up next to a tree, a hedge, a garden wall or some wild shrubbery, he contributes - inadvertently and most innocently, if we may add, to the growth of the green cover in the country.

This is the discovery, more than any other major discovery made in the world in the last 1,000 years, that truly deserves to be described as the Ureka moment to beats all others - hitherto ascribed to invaders, aliens and resident non-Indians.

Made by Nitin Gadkari, one of our most notable agricultural experts who also doubles up as the minister of Transport. Though an LLB from Nagpur University, his heart actually beat for other streams of discovery. He obviously had a deep understanding of and an abiding interest in the science of fluids - especially flowing fluids - and that's why he has now set up a full-fledged laboratory consisting of a 50-litre repository of urine. A highly-qualified field researcher disguised as a PWD gardner, who is carefully monitoring the growth of plants doused in urine and comparing it to the growth, or lack of it, in plants that have been denied their daily fix.

Understanding the difference between Urea (CO(NH2)2) and Uric Acid (C5H4N4O3) and being fully conversant with the different ways in which the two chemicals react with soils of different types, the gardner/researcher has been able to separate the two chemicals from the 50 litres of Urine, and now Nitrogen extracts from Urea are being selectively applied to the chosen crops (with the help of traditional Indian filtering devices fashioned from recycled muslin and plastic funnels).

Very soon, it is being fervently hoped, that the twin challenges of fertiliser shortage and traditional reliance on monsoon would be overcome in one burst.

The day is not far when this Make in Teenmutri, sorry "Teenmurti Lane" will catapult India into becoming the nation that moves out into the sun to do it, rather than hiding behind dying trees, tottering walls - doing it surreptitiously in dark alleys. The only problem that needs to be overcome before the revolutionary discovery can be declared the "Rashtriya Ureka Uplabdhi" is to convince the votaries of the Rashtriya Swachhata Abhiyan that this "coming out" is essential to break taboos - for it is only with brand new ideas implemented bravely that we can overcome our excessive reliance on backward agricultural practices imposed by outsiders.