Kissing and sex bad before marriage: Twitter tips for Sanskari James Bond
On one side, the "Kiss of Love" protest that had garnered international attention is back in news (for very wrong reasons though), and on the other, the latest James Bond movie, starring Daniel Craig in the title role, has got a green signal from the Central Board Of Film Certification (CBFC), but after four cuts - two verbal, two visual!
The members of our censor board are so "sanskari" that they've cut Bond's passionate kisses by 50 per cent. Not stopping there, the board has also decided that Bond cannot use the "F" word or the word "a**hole". I mean WTF!
Indians, I've felt, have never been vocal about their sexual desires and most of them are even hypocritical about it. People who play the "Indian culture" trump card lead this hypocritical procession, influencing the not-so-open-minded rest, and annoying those who are okay with it.
Abusing is in our blood, and the first words we pick up in any language are abuses. Blame it on our psyche or our genes, but that's how it works. Those who would comment below this article that this amateur writer is making a generalisation would have abused me before, while and after posting their comments.
Let's just accept it!
Now that Bond can't kiss as much as he wants and abuse the way he usually does, Twitterati is celebrating the sad news by trolling CBFC and they've found the perfect hashtag for it - #SanskariJamesBond.
See some of the funniest tweets:
#SanskariJamesBond checking if Vesper is wearing a nazar suraksha kavach or not. pic.twitter.com/Gl4V2hzNZ4
— DiwaliyaRatty (@YearOfRat) November 18, 2015#SanskariJamesBond doesn't drink Vodka Martini because he's a Complan boy!
— Pratiik Rege (@PratiikRege) November 18, 2015#SanskariJamesBond is called 00... Because after all, India invented the Zero
— Ashwin Mushran (@ashwinmushran) November 18, 2015Left: James Bond Villain Right: #SanskariJamesBond Villain pic.twitter.com/n7IVqPE49c
— Anand Ranganathan (@ARangarajan1972) November 18, 2015Hollywood - James Bond can save the World. Bollywood - save the world from James Bond. #SanskariJamesBond
— Swami (@mohitraj) November 18, 2015#SanskariJamesBond spies through the Khuli Khidki
— Scotchy (@scotchism) November 18, 2015next series of #SanskariJamesBond ll b directed by suraj barjatya n d movies ll b called ham aap k hai bond bond sanskar dhan payo
— Vinay Dokania #INC (@vinaydokania) November 18, 2015Virat Hindu @swamy39 has tested #SanskariJamesBond 's DNA & confirmed he was called Janardhan Bandhu before conversion.
— Suryanarayan Ganesh (@gsurya) November 18, 2015Though it's an arranged marriage, just hoping at Monica Bellucci becomes a good bahu and keeps Karva Chauth for pati dev #SanskariJamesBond
— Trendulkar (@Trendulkar) November 18, 2015#SanskariJamesBond does not kill enemy agents on Tuesdays, Thursdays and during Nav Ratri.
— Still 14 (@Etardoh) November 18, 2015#SanskariJamesBond has a small idol of Ganeshji on the dashboard of his Aston Martin
— Atul Khatri (@one_by_two) November 18, 2015Villan- Come in Mr. James Bond, I've been expecting you. Bond- Ji joote kahan uttaru? #SanskariJamesBond
— Mostly Carbon (@s_manjari) November 18, 2015#SanskariJamesBond seduces women by lighting aggarbattis in his bedroom and then introduces them to his Mom.
— Ray Ban (@Purba_Ray) November 18, 2015No one messes with #SanskariJamesBond because he always carries a 9mm semi automatic Rakhi with him.
— Roflindian 2.0 (@Roflindian) November 18, 2015Girl- What's your name? James Bond- Bond, Pandit ji ne pure 9 grahon ke milan ke baad mera naam James Bond rakha! #SanskariJamesBond
— Sunil - 5s into 6s (@1sInto2s) November 18, 2015#SanskariJamesBond will kiss behind two flowers touching each other to show that he cares about Indian culture
— Ye Ole it's Peppi (@PeppiWomaniYo) November 18, 2015#SanskariJamesBond scolds the vamp for wearing short dress and gives her a dupatta to hide her cleavage, before beating up the villain
— The Bad Doctor (@doctoratlarge) November 18, 2015#SanskariJamesBond doesn't have sex. He procreates.
— Aladdin (@Alllahdin) November 18, 2015#SanskariJamesBond never drives above 40 kmph, makes Bond girls tie rakhi on his wrist, and drinks cow urine cocktail instead of martini
— The Bad Doctor (@doctoratlarge) November 18, 2015While all this is fun, we should not forget that this move by the CBFC is regressive. When MTV India telecast a lesbian kissing scene on Indian television, what it achieved was letting millions know there was nothing abnormal, unnatural about homosexual romance.