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For a working mother, it's always a juggle between office and home

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Koel Purie Rinchet
Koel Purie RinchetFeb 11, 2017 | 11:27

For a working mother, it's always a juggle between office and home

I got a job! And it’s an exciting one with a pay cheque and all. I will tell you more about it but not just yet. Doing what I do, getting a job in a country where I don’t speak the language is not easy but getting to the job is even tougher. You working mums — I know you feel me.

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I had pages of research to read, scripts to edit, lines to write, people to impress, costumes to choose, trials to get through… but all that took a backseat till I had planned and scheduled where and what my child was doing and with whom, so that every minute of hers would be accounted while I was MAH (missing at home).

I know it’s 2017 and we women rock the top jobs but when a woman, or more precisely a mother, is out working she is still considered “missing” from the home because that’s her domain. She’s the only one who knows what the cleaner’s hours are or where to buy that unprocessed cheese or that special five grain soft bread. Truth be told, most of us women are control freaks and we love the power, so don’t expect us to let go of our home. Besides, it’s quicker to organise it yourself than sit there explaining the same thing ten times to a deliberately deaf, distracted ear.

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Photo: Mail Today

Juggling is a skill you learn fast if you’ve got a child at home and a target at work. That doesn’t mean you’re a master juggler — you drop balls all the time. Of course, there’s heartburn when your child is the only one who didn’t bring the junk art project to school or you have to say no to the 10- day shoot in Australia because you can’t be MAH for that long.

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Now, I’m one of the lucky few who married a real man. He’s better at being mother than I am, but I didn’t want my phone ringing while I was at work to be asked where my daughter’s ballet tutu was. So, before I even began dealing with my deadlines I stocked the fridge, filled the snack cupboard, planned the menus, labelled and laid out the clothes, made minute by minute schedules (thanking the lord for that big chunk of time spent at school), listed out the emergency numbers, wrote out the dosage on each medicine bottle and paid a secret bonus to the necessary nanny (all the more indispensable living in a foreign country without family).

I have to do double the work just to get to work. It’s almost like I’m apologetic for getting a job and this is my way of making up for it. Every mother I’ve spoken to suffers from guilt and worries about missing “the moments”.

Maybe because I’ve been such a hands-on mother for so long, or because my partner is a dude, I suffer from no such guilt or worry. I leave the house and my heart leaps with joy. I love my little family infinitely, but domesticity and me have never seen eye to eye. When I lived alone, or even when we were DINKS, running a home meant having the best delivery numbers on speed dial and a fully stocked wine cellar.

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That went out of the window with the arrival of the little miss who rules the house. Now, the kitchen must produce three healthy meals a day with enough taste and variety to be eaten without fuss. Who knew muesli with yogurt or pickle on toast are not meals! The first thing that had to be operational in our new life in Tokyo was our kitchen.

I harp on about it because though I don’t and won’t cook, even the delegation and organisation that goes into it bores me to tears. As a jobless dependent, I’ve done it one day too many so you can imagine the summersaults of happiness I did the day I got employed.

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Photo: Mail Today

Some of us mothers work because we need to — for a better quality of life, but a lot of us do it for our sanity. If you love what you do and get paid for it — it’s diamond. You’ll come home refreshed and happy — a contented mother means a blissful home. It’s a miracle, but being busy gives me headspace to play hide and seek on repeat and energy to feign adequate surprise every time I find my daughter in the same favourite hiding spot.

Even if you don’t love what you do, the hours away interacting with an adult workforce will prevent your brain from becoming mush and the distance will give you perspective. If you really hate what you do but need to do it anyway then imagine how being back at home will be that much more pleasurable.

I work because it gives me worth. Don’t you judge me; I openly admit I need the world to pay me and validate me for being fabulous before I believe it. I also need my daughter to see me more than just mama. It was an eye opener when, one day before I got hired I was rushing her out of the house and I said “Can you please speed up I have a lot of work to get through”, she replied “Why you doing work mama?” Me: “What should I do then when you go to school?” She: “Exercise” Me: “But exercise doesn’t take me so long” She: “Then you come home and play and play and play”.

Though to her right now this would be the best life ever, I want her to set her goals just a tad higher and want to be the role model that doesn’t just exercise and play. Although wouldn’t that be nice.

(Courtesy: Mail Today)

 

Last updated: February 12, 2017 | 13:16
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