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This viral tweet got many to open up about sexual assault they faced and how they were dismissed

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Pathikrit Sanyal
Pathikrit SanyalOct 14, 2016 | 21:15

This viral tweet got many to open up about sexual assault they faced and how they were dismissed

Every response is both infuriating and horrifying

Sexual harassment and sexual assault are two things that are horrifyingly common in our country. In an age when more and more women are standing up for their beliefs and rights, talking about sexual violation is still a difficult thing to attempt.

For a myriad of reasons, which include victim blaming, accusations of lying and just plain social stigma, victims of sexual assault learn to live in silence. Our society, which is predominantly patriarchal in nature, has incorporated a system of shame that does not allow victims to open up about their trauma. Instead it makes them question and/or blame themselves, which not only allows the perpetrator to walk scot-free, but also has deep psychological effects on the victims.

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Photo: Reuters

Harnidh Kaur, who goes by @PedestrianPoet on Twitter, asked people to open up about incidents of sexual abuse and assault. She asked people to talk about how they were shut down or slighted when they actually did open up about it.

Her tweet set off a stream of responses that ranged everywhere between infuriation and horrifying. 

From the responses one can easily gather just why sexual assault is so rampant in our country. Where on one hand senior politicians make excuses for rapists by saying things in the line of “boys will be boys”, and families teach you to not talk about abuse in fear of “log kya kahenge” on the other, engaging in dialogue about this somehow never seems to make any kind of headway.

Victim-blaming

One of the victims admitted to never even opening up about it in fear that it is her freedom that might get curbed. And it is a legitimate fear. Remember, when in 2012, the Haryana government tried to pass a rule where women would not work post 8pm, so as to "ensure their safety".

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This is how most people react to stories of abuse. They view the victims themselves as the problem. We have all read about or heard some idiot comparing rape victims to meat and the rapist to an animal. The implication being, that it is a victims’ duty to save themselves; if you walk past the predator, don’t cry about an attack.

Victim-blaming propagates the idea that not only is sexual abuse and rape natural, it is also inevitable. Victim-blaming is also a direct result of the rampant slut-shaming that we indulge in, on a daily basis.

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Photo: Reuters

The responses vary from family members asking what they had done to deserve the assault/harassment, to people directly putting the blame on the victims actively inciting this behaviour either through their words or clothes.

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Normalising rape culture

Another aspect of our society revolves around treating sexual abuse or sexual harassment as something that is very normal. Make no mistake, it is very common; but that does not, in any way, make it "normal".

Normalising assault and abuse comes from a culture of apathy which is a direct result of treating women as second-rate citizens. We are taught that boys are better, women should remain at home. We grow up in an environment that not only makes, but also makes it seem okay to indulge in sexist humour and rape jokes.

Whether it is through movies that romanticise stalkers and lechers, or through shows like Comedy Nights with Kapil, we learn that sexual harassment is just a part of life.

"You are lying"

And, of course, our patriarchal society also instils a whole lot of denial in our systems. While there have been cases of false accusations, especially a few that have received national attention, it has become something of a second nature to outright deny incidents of abuse.

“They are doing this for attention” is one the more common refrains in which incidents and stories of abuse are dismissed. Whether it is plain ignorance, or a belief that men are more righteous than women, everyday thousands of voices are shut down because we are too afraid to embrace the fact that there exists a culture of rape in our society.

Gender-bender

While sexual abuse and sexual assaults are a much gendered issue in our country, there is no denying that men too can be and are victims of this. Again, products of our patriarchal society, men who open up about sexual abuse are often slighted.

The very idea that men cannot be sexually abused by men or women, stems from years of systemically fed notions like men need to be masculine and “boys don’t cry”. Men who have either been sexually assaulted or raped by women are countered with arguments like “you should have enjoyed it”, or “that can’t happen, you’re a guy”

This thread has received a lot of praise for becoming a place where people could open up about their experiences. And it is genuinely a good thing. It is only through awareness that we will realise that there exists a problem, and once we acknowledge that, fighting it becomes easier.

Also read - Pink exposes India's real face

Last updated: October 14, 2016 | 21:15
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