Psychic creatures are predicting Trump as next US president
Jaco Van Dormael’s cult film Mr Nobody begins with a primer on psychologist BF Skinner’s famous experiment on “pigeon superstition”. In his experiment, he discovered that even pigeons can be made to believe in superstitions, given the right set of conditions. Human beings are, without a doubt, cut from the same cloth.
Ironically, while Skinner tried to induce superstition in lesser evolved species, we at the top of the food-chain, have somehow succumbed to depending on lesser animals to fuel our beliefs that the world is a little more than what we can perceive and that, the supernatural exists.
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| Why should the biggest reality show in the world, the US Presidential elections 2016, be free from pigeon superstition? [Photo: Screengrab/YouTube] |
From parrots picking cards that decide our future, to an octopus predicting football World Cup winners, we have resorted to some pretty bizarre stuff to fulfil our fix for believing in a higher species that controls our very existence.
Why should the biggest reality show in the world, the US presidential elections 2016, be free from this? Let us have a look at all the animals who have tried to predict the winner of this race to doom. There’s a 50-50 chance of each and every one of them being right. Or wrong. But of course, they are supernatural.
The Mystic Monkey from China
Geda of the Shiyanhu Ecological Tourism Park in China’s Hunan - a monkey whose resume includes predicting winners of football matches in Europe - was presented with life-size cut-outs of Trump and Hillary Clinton. Geda, whose credentials are beyond question, baffled political analysts and poll masters by not only choosing Trump, but also by giving the GOP nominee’s cut-out a kiss. Guess this monkey doesn’t know Trump’s reputation with "cats".
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| Clearly, this monkey doesn’t know Trump’s reputation with "cats". [Photo: Screengrab] |
A pack of dogs from Cleveland
A bunch of cute dogs, at a local dog park in Cleveland, were asked to select between chew toys in the images of Trump and Clinton. Here too, Trump managed a victory. Guess you can’t rig dog elections that are based on arbitrary preferences. Take that, Crooked Hillary!
Chanakya the Fish
Why should India be left behind in this madness, when China and America are indulging in it without an ounce of care? Chennai’s aquatic celebrity, Chanakya the fish – famous for having predicted the results of the 2015 cricket World Cup semi-finals correctly (It was New Zealand. Some would say this fish is anti-national) - declared Donald Trump the indisputable winner of the elections. Is it me or is Trump really, really popular with psychic animals?
Chennai: Congrats Donald Trump, predicts Chanakya the fish #USElections2016 pic.twitter.com/D9CT5bgaD0
— ANI (@ANI_news) November 8, 2016
Shark race is better than democracy
It sort of makes sense for Trump to win in a shark race. Although why would anyone use this convoluted, James-Bond-villain-esque method to determine election results is beyond me.
In September, professors of Nova South-eastern University in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, selected two tagged mako sharks living in the Atlantic Ocean to represent Clinton and Trump. The shark that swam the most miles by November 4, they said, would be the winner.
The Trump shark swam 652.44 miles, while the Clinton shark only managed 510.07 miles. Clinton, it seems, may have made a crucial error in judgement when she decided only to concentrate on the human demographic.
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| The shark race. [Photo: Nova Southeastern University] |
And while we are at shark race, why not have a pig race?
In a rather quaint part of Arkansas, the residents decided to make pigs wear Trump and Clinton wigs and race each other; which was hosted by man in an Uncle Sam costume. Yeah it doesn’t get more redneck than this I suppose. The little piggy wearing a Trump wig ran faster to the finish line than a pig wearing a Clinton wig. Guess Hillary really isn’t popular in the southern states.
Boots, the psychic Scottish goat
This Scottish goat accurately predicted the Brexit vote results. I mean it can be assumed that he knows a wee bit more about US politics and voter mentality than political experts. While all animal polls predict Trump as the next supreme overlord, Boots’ selection proved to be a game-changer. Boots selected Clinton. Or maybe Boots just really wanted to taste the piece of paper with Clinton’s name on it. Either way, I’m sure this goat knows what it’s doing.
God, this election has driven everyone out of their goddamned minds.